rawkmyass

2007-06-18T01:35:00.000+08:00

[mood / deliberative]
[music / Mary J Blige - Sweet Thing]

both the homeu girls and guys team lost our games today.
reason being ? too complacent, i'd say.
and best thing still, both lost by 11points. such a 'good' omen hur.
seriously, it's not a matter of being the zheng men or fu men, it's more like how much do we ask frm ourselves.
like what xueling jie said before, if we had that kind of thinking even if we lost to stackers but win tnet, we are still gonna make it into second round.
it's true that we'll get into second round, but if we continue to hold that kinda belief, for sure we ain't going to make it through when we go onto the second round.
believe this, there are many people out there waiting to see homeu collapse, be it the guys or girls team.
you ought to see how loudly the crowd cheers when the girls and guys team lost both games today.
they cheered ain't because we played well, a form of encouragement or whatever, it's because WE LOST. get this right, don't lie to yourself.
we all know this, the refs and the crowd aren't with us, they are all biased against us and want us/waiting for us to lose.
remember this, the more others want to see us fail, the more we should prove oursevles.

i was chatting with kelvin and kian ann just now bout the games, and they told me these,
kelvin:
to be able to play in homeu, you must be able to take stress. both stress given by the management and the public. the public is always taking us for granted, they're always expecting us to perform, to win every single game. and too, there're people who are waiting to see us lose, and they will be damn happy if we lost.
kian ann:
人因梦想而伟大 says:
did u play to win or play for fun?
어치 says:
win, of cos.
人因梦想而伟大 says:
then prove to them u all can win!
人因梦想而伟大 says:
u can't help how others judge u but it's u who can make a difference.
人因梦想而伟大 says:
certain amount of stress makes a person grow
人因梦想而伟大 says:
if u want to become a better player it's time for you to grow and learn from here.

this entry is purely MY reflection/perception, and a note to self.
even if anybody ain't happy with it, not like i bother please. (:

2007-06-14T06:01:00.000+08:00

[mood / unfelt]
[music / Gwen Stefani - 4 In The Morning]

/edited.
DONUT FACTORY IS OPENING A NEW OUTLET AT SUNTEC ! /grin.
PEOPLE, IT'S TIME FOR YOUR LEGS TO DO SOME WORK OUT, COME QUEUE WITH ME. (:

2007-06-12T15:16:00.003+08:00

[mood / infuriated]

this had been on my mind for the longest time, i couldn't stop thinking bout it and therefore, i'm left with no choice but to pen this shit down.
people who don't understand/not involved might find this childish, that's because you're NOT in my shoe.

so here, the ugly truth.
the stackers people weren't the ones that brought me into homeu, for your info.
to think of it, i was in the team earlier than anyone of them.
i could had gone for training during november last year, when coach liling was still coaching back then.
if you were to asked who was the one that brought us in, i'd say buibui.
cos she was the one that helped jiamin and i to contact coach liling and informed her that we're keen to join the team, not you guys.
buibui then later forgot to tell jiamin and i that we can go for training, until coach liling left.
jiamin later said she doesn't want to join homeu anymore, cos the reason she wanted to join is mainly before of coach liling.
and now that she had left, she sees no reason to join.
but anyhow, jiamin's and my particulars have already long be sent to coach liling.
and later on, zl told me they are joining homeu too, that's why i waited for her.
and because it's a whole new different coach, i'd have to resend her my particulars too.
so, overall, the stackers people AIN'T THE ONES THAT BROUGHT ME INTO HOMEU.
i ain't trying to point finger at anybody here, and those who claimed that the stackers people were the one who brought me in, you should know who you are.
'we bring her in' or 'we bring you in', do you know how fucking awful does it sounds ?!
can you stop putting that phrase on your mouth, just how much do you want people to think i'm totally obliged to you ?
you made it sounds as if you're like my mentor or my life saver, and i'm oh-so-indebted to you.
like i've to repay you with my life for what you had 'done' for me.
if you guys still think that you guys were the ones that brought me in, there were bunches of people that can prove that i have had long ago made my decision to join homeu.
longer than you guys could even think of, and i bet you guys were still in your previous team when i made that decision.

i don't care if you guys read it, cos you guys will definitely read it and it's for it's FOR YOU GUYS to read.
i ain't afraid of how am i going to face you guys in the future, cos it's more like how are you guys are going to face me.
and after all, i'm speaking frm my heart. i'm being myself, speaking of all the truth and i've got nothing to hide.
i can either be fake or real, it all depends on how others treat me. and all these are called, an eye for an eye.
if you happened to hate those words that came out frm my mouth, then it's just too bad.
it's my blog and my mouth, i've got every rights to say and pen down everything i like.
you've got a choice to read or not to, no ?
i'm a person with strong instinct, i know what's happening behind my back.
even if you hide everything frm me, i'll still know.
it's whether i want to know or, not.
don't ask me how, just blame your stupidity for that.
i've seen through friendships shit, and frm now on i won't be fighting so hard and hide all the ugly words just for the sake of maintaining friendships.
cos friends will definitely drift away, it might not be now but it's just a matter of time.
when you reached different stages of your life, you'll get to know a new bunch of friends, and the earlier stage of friends that you made will gradually be drifted apart frm you.
so, there are no friends you'd like to keep or not, cos people all changed and nobody will still stay the same due to the changes around.
different friends that you made in different stages of life make you grow and gain experiences, and for that reason, you are what you are today.
the reason for why i wrote all these it's because i decided i can no longer take it like how obliged i should be to them/her.

now i feel much better after putting all these down.

2007-06-12T00:36:00.000+08:00

To: The depressing girlfriend, Jessie Ong.

From: The dead worried boyfriend, Leonard Chew.

P.S. I would do anything to make you happy, and that includes trespassing into your blog and post a silly photo just to gain your smile.

2007-06-11T00:49:00.000+08:00

[mood / indescribable]
[music / Ee Byul Mot Han Ee Byul - Ji Sun (Loveholic)]

my heart literally sank today.
i have no idea what to do, say or feel, i have already proven myself and gave my best, it's now all up to how others see it.
those words just got me thinking.
maybe those words that they said doesn't mean a thing to them, but it means everything to me.
i thought i was at least something, but actually i meant nothing, to them.
how i wish i could quit this, but at the same time, i feel so stupid if i were to stop at this point, when all the efforts i made just gone to waste.

i don't know how many effing times have i watched my lovely samsoon, and don't ask me why ain't i tired of it.
the fact is, this is the one and only show i could watch and cry, and more like a reason that allows me to cry to.
i've been listening to this song on the way home, now it makes me cry, like how it always does.
but this time round, crying ain't feeling good, it made me feel suffocated.

2007-06-09T23:56:00.000+08:00

[mood / ecstatic]
[music / Tata Young - El Nin-Yo]

game last night against tp was a toatl disaster, though we won.
but most of us played quite badly, perhaps it was the first game and everybody was exceptionally excited and at the same time nervous.
but anyways, was pretty satisfied with my defense and rebounds, regardless like what otah said, i looked damn blur when i got on court at first.
but sadly, i only managed to play for like a 4mins add together ? which's damn discouraging, to be BENCHED.

had training this morning as usual.
warm up, and coach preaches us for an hour and we did some drills and went through tactics. and we just spent our 2.5 hours training doing almost nothing.
went over to old police academy to help out for the police week 3on3, as homeu is the organizer of the whole game.
helped out with the writing of scores, kept playing with the womens team and JASON CAME TO TALK TO ME ! which was him who started the whole conversation.
he's uber cute, i was sitting behind pipi looking bored cos she was busy recording the scores because mine ended early.
he came back to the shelter(where we were supposed to sit) after he set up the video cam to record the guy's game.
jason: (wave right in front of my eyes to get my attention, cos i was staring at the guys match) very boring huh ? you look bored, if you're boring come and help me to video la.
me: (looking damn shocked cos i couldn't believe he is talking to me) huh, don't want la.
he laughed, then smiled at me and later walked away.
after that we kept having chances to talk to each other and i was looking at him UP CLOSE for so many times because he stood right in front of me. super shiok please la.

OH MY WORD, I CANNOT GET TO SLEEP TONIGHT !
EVEN IF I DO, I'LL SURE TO BE HAVING SWEET DREAMS !

oh yes, did i mentioned that to be able to talk to jason's my life time wish.
holly goodness, and it came true.
like felicia honey said, just how lucky can i get. :D

2007-06-08T00:47:00.000+08:00

[mood / enthusiastic]
[music / B-Witched - Hey Mickey]

TOMORROW IS THE DAY.
the long awaiting day.
finally, it's our turn now ! :D

2007-06-03T11:34:00.000+08:00

[mood / bored]
[music / Mandy Moore - Its Gonna Be Love]

thursday;
training in the morning,
gianted like giants in the late noon,
changi airport to slack at night.

friday;
homeu u16 played against killiney kopitiam,
they finished off the game with 52-32.
we won, of cos.

saturuday;
was sick, down with fever.
skipped training, not like i wanted, but i was REALLY SICK.
slept through the whole day, till baby called to care bout me. (:

today;
feel like going for training game later, but i couldn't go.
reason being; if i were to go, people would bound to think i'm pretending to be sick ytd just to skipped training.
shall not elaborate more, cos i know these contents are bound to get into someone else's ears. like what's new.
the AA gang is having steamboat later to celebrate von's bday, not sure if i wanted to go as i'm not really in the mood for steamboat. and i said i shouldn't be eating so much before youth cup, it'll only add up to my burden.
but the thing is, i miss those people. ):
it's okay, shiwan said she'll arrange one more after the season. (:

i'm starting to feel that my entries are real boring, that no one reads them.
nobody even bother to comment. ):
i miss anonymous(s), like where are you guys ?!
pleaseeeeee come and make my blog more lively. thank you.

2007-05-29T01:09:00.000+08:00

[mood / loved]
[music / Jim Brickman & Martina McBride - Valentine]

because you makes me smile, without fail.

i live my life the way i wanted, and i'm happy with it.
sarcasm ain't gonna bring me down, so don't bother. (:

2007-05-23T23:58:00.000+08:00

[mood / merry]
[music / McFly - She Loves You]

youth cup fixture.

we were all actually very satisfied with the lot, and apparently i think our lot is the best and easiest to play amongst all the groups.
it shouldn't be a great problem for us to get into the second round or even go on further more, as every single one in the team have been improving ever since the day we started training as a home united player. (:
i don't mean any other meaning, but so be it if you think i am.

now, the problem lies on me.
i must never allow my body to take over my brain, whereas, i should overcome all odds in order to become a better player.
this was what andy boy told me, and he hopes he would be able to knock some sense into me. thank you, ya.
after all these times, i concluded that i really hate wannabes.
be it in the past, present or in the future.
it really gets on my nerves to see someone trying so hard to be someone or something they could never be.
it makes me ponder why someone can't just jolly well be themselves ? like hello, be au naturel, be yourself please.

i'm really dying to get my chili red havaianas, and i pray hard that they do have my size.

2007-05-20T23:57:00.000+08:00

[mood / sleepy]
[music / Joey Mcintire - Stay The Same]

training game with the womens team, again. actually it's more like an every sunday thingy.
but before that, we went to queue for donuts factory, because hui na had been promising to queue with me since forever, so we decided to go today, since we're like so free.
shared a dozen with minyi, cause don't really feel like eating that many donuts.
as the every lovable youth team we are, we bought a dozen for the womens team.
but dammit, so many people came today and the dozen of donuts were only barely enough, cause some of them skipped it.

anyway, many things happened during the training game today.
firstly, i got hit on my head twice or thrice by elaine by accident.
secondly, my legs went weak halfway through the game, and i wasn't balancing well enough and i tripped myself on my feet and fell. then, xiaofeng jie, who was the ref accused candy of pushing me.
but seriously, the fell was damn embarrassing and painful, i slided like few inches frm where i fell. and plus, the position i fell was super unglam please.
good thing it's not a sat, if not jason would have seen it. HAHAHA !
thirdly, i got tight slap frm violet while trying to get a rebound, again, accident.
last but not least, geraldine, who's widely known as motherly, fell and sprained her ankle and the game stopped.

i tell you, i was like damn high just now.
cause violet was all along standing SO CLOSE me, okay, it's more like body touching body. and, violet taught me how to defend, and again, we were so close and i can't help but kept looking at her in the face. and i sort of thinking that her face is little out of shape, but overall still very looking. LOL ! she talked and encouraged me, and then thank us for the donuts. she's one sweet girl, i swear ! haha.
like i said, i really love the womens team. they are all very cute people, esp cindy.
on the way home she told us we shouldn't be afraid of whatever team we got, cos overall, we are not that bad after all.
plus we have the upper hand of improving, cause we've always got our womens team to train us and we are guaranteed to improve better compared to any other teams.
and oh yeah, it feels damn nice to see my stamina improving. :D

okay, i know LEONARD CHEW WEN ZE is sure gonna flare up when he sees the violet part. HAHAHAA. but i just love to agitate him, can't help la.

2007-05-16T21:42:00.000+08:00

[mood / ecstatic]
[music / Gwen Stefani ft Pharrell - Yummy]

these pictures are here to satisfy HUI NA visually.
no real thing yet, so make do with these pictures first.

my irritating buddy.

buddy & me.

for jingyan, violet's the one at the bottom left corner.
but i swear this picture did no justice for her. TSK.

you guys should watch this french movie called 'taxi', it's a good movie, with unlimited funny scenes.
and on the way home ytd, i saw yaofu waving to me while driving in his army truck. darn hilarious !
anyways, i got my jersey number, 6.
it's a good thing nobody snatched it frm me, and it's always kinda good to have an unpopular number as your jersey number. it prevents you frm snatching and fighting here and there.
especially when you fought so many times for so many numbers and you still don't get what you want, that's totally awwwwwww-so-sad. HAHA !

2007-05-14T00:41:00.000+08:00

[mood / crappy]
[music / Rachael Yamagata - Be Be Your Love]

went for training game, against the womens team just now.
learnt many stuff, and finally, i dared to cut in and also take rebounces.
cos at first, i was real dead afraid of ms tan and violet.
got very very bad scoldings frm coach initially, but as i slowly recovered frm my mistakes, she then became nicer.
actually all the womens team players are very nice people, they'll stopped the game to teach us, give us another to learnt frm our mistakes.
now i know, most of them were very fierce towards us when we first met them, cos they want us to improve and slowly emerge to a stronger player.
ms tan, sheena, violet and the braces girl were esp nice and patient towards us, they point out our mistakes and at the same time teaches us the solutions.
i tell you, ms tan is damn cute and encouraging, she kept going 'eh, let's play the same thing until the small ones are able to defend us'. like kept giving us chances and she'll always go 'xiao dui jiayou leh, must endure and fight on'.
there were times ms tan and violet let me cut into the under basket without defending me, but when i missed the shot they didn't blame me, but still encourage me and asked me not to lose my confidence because of a mistake. VERY NICE RIGHT ! omg.
and i had my mens ! wtf.
i gave my pad to marina and i'm left with no pad but to ask around.
the da dui people were laughing at me, and violet was happily pointing and laughing at my mishap.
and i realized something ! violet's seriously good-looking.
as a bung, or even a girl. omg, melts. ANOTHER EYECANDY.

OKAY JESSIE, YOU'RE HOPELESS !

2007-05-13T13:35:00.000+08:00

[mood / excited]
[music / Jojo - How To Touch A Girl]

Y'KNOW, I'M SUCHA PRO !
I MADE MY HALOSCAN WORK AGAIN !
I TELL YOU, NOBODY CAN BE SMARTER THAN ME ALR LA !
OH MY FUCKING GOD, JUST CALL ME A SAINT WILL DO !
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

2007-05-13T00:57:00.000+08:00

[mood / pissed off]

i hate the new blogger, it's such a lousy system.
it's like i can't seemed to find a way to host my haloscan commenting system !
FUCK IT.
i don't want tagboard, i only want haloscan !
fuck the new blogger la, cheebye.

2007-05-12T01:42:00.001+08:00

[mood / loved]
[music / Mariah Carey & 98 Degrees - Thank God I Found You]

you,
completed my whole life.
it wasn't a long way frm where we started, but it wasn't short too.
Happy 15th, and still counting on, but with much more love than ever.

out of billions of people in the world, it just happened to be you, and no words could ever describe how thankful i am to had found you.
people said you'll only know how precious someone are to you, until you've lost it.
and it couldn't have been more true.

to tolerate, to appreciate, to love and to be loved.
it never comes easy, but for you, i'll do it. (:

2007-05-10T01:17:00.001+08:00

[mood / agitated]
[music / Me Ah Ri - Loveholic (Snow Queen OST)]

while typing this, my tears couldn't stop rolling down.
i'm sucha lousy person, i failed as a daughter, girlfriend, sister, friend, team mate, grand daughter and student.

i feel so painful.
if i say i can feel those pain others went through, will anybody believe me ?
it sucked, when the dearest and closest person to you not even understand how you feel.

being alive kills me, and life's literally killing me slowly.

2007-05-07T14:17:00.001+08:00

[mood / fucked up]

if you guys don't realized, i took every words people said seriously.
don't try saying something that hurt me, and later said it was all a joke or it was meant to be a joke.
i'm effing sorry, but i don't fucking entertain such you-think-it's-a-joke jokes.
i never did entertain people whom spoke freely without using their filthy brain, and they knew they said something wrong after seeing my face turning black and they will then start to apologize and said it was just a joke and expect that i'm not offended.
WHAT FAT HOPE.
and too, i abhor people who did something wrong and act as if like nothing happened or simply worst, ACT CUTE, to get their way through.
fugly smelly fucktards.

don't ask why and who i wrote this post for, it's for everybody.
if you think that's your mouth and you've got every rights to say whatever you want, then it's my hand and i've got every fucking rights to slap you when you got me fed up.
it's called an eye for an eye, you stupid fucktards all.

2007-05-04T23:40:00.001+08:00

[mood / irritated]
[music / Akon - Don't Matter]

i'm damn tired, and my eyelids are only half open.
but no, i must finish this post no matter what !

so, marina and i went to watch a'div today.
i wanted to catch andy play, cos this's probably his last game, and it is.
and there were this bunch of MI basketball guys, and they came to sit near us.
the game started, and they kept jeering at acjc's players.
i did not said the above statement because andy's one of acjc players, but it's damn unsporting and they were really effing noisy.
marina told me they were disgusting, and before that i'm already kinda irritated with them so i said 'those who studied 3years are different what !' in mandarin.
because others take only 2years to study for an a'level cert, they took 3years.
it's already kinda inglorious, yet they still cheapen themselves by being such a nuisance in the public. (ps: i've got nothing against MI or other students in there, but only THOSE BUNCH OF GUYS, mind you.)
one of the fatso which sat nearest to us heard what i said and he told the gang bout it, and one of the guys (who looks damn fugly, yes VERY UGLY ! not prejudiced okay, but truth. ) kept going 'we are different because we study for 3years' and repeated it umpteenth times.
he then scolded some hokkien profanities and said something like 'knn, wanna pick fight ah, you think lim pei's temper good ah.' he din said that right into my face, but into the air. but obviously, he wanted to say those to me ! and yes, those words in mandarin and hokkien, cos MI is different frm other JCs, which they're not frequent in speaking english. btw, MI is NOT a JC too, it's just that they see themselves as one.
at one point of time, he said 'we study 3years so what, at least we got an a'level cert in the end'. i seriously wanted to laugh at what he said, like that's the problem la.
it's fucking 3years, can't you go to a poly for a diploma instead ? at least it's more useful and worth it. 3years for an a'level cert and still so proud of it ? what a joke, come on !
like hello, i bet only minority of the students in MI will be able to make it to uni.
it's proven that they're slower learners compared to other JCs students, that's why they're in MI.
issac said they got into MI because they can't make it the the JCs, but yet, they still die die wanna ACT AS IF LIKE IN JC. spell l-o-s-e-r please.
and after that, he still said, 'see, what school is she frm only ?! at least we're affiliated !' they said it so fucking loud.
people frm most part of singapore knows what school is bpghs, if you don't you're quite a loser. sorry to say that, but yes you are. (:
AND HELLO, AFFILIATED ?! LIKE TO WHO ?! OMFG, THIS IS FUCKING HILARIOUS.
it's not like they are in acjc or rjc, which they're affiliated to ACS and RI.
like issac said, what kind of school is MI, who needs to be affiliated ?!
even bp doesn't have an affiliated school, what makes MI have one ?! omg.
they really thought i'm some kind of 3years old girl and i know nothing, but HAHA to you guys okay. you totally made a fool out of yourselves. :D
and bottom line, YES, STUDYING FOR 3YEARS ARE JUST SOOOO DIFFERENT !

i'm going to lodge a complain to school bout those guys making themselves a nuisance in the public.
yes, i'm going to, and i've never been so serious.
i'm going to ask baby to write, or, if not, i shall do the job.
it's not childish, but i really can't stand them. OMG OMG OMG !

2007-05-03T22:21:00.001+08:00

[mood / blank]
[music / Chris Daughtry - Over You]

first thing first,

HAPPY 17TH ANDY BOY !

you know, i should be mugging my ass off on geography, instead of here blogging.
but seriously, i don't think today is a day for geog, cos i'm not at all productive !
it's so sad, i've such a high expectation on myself for scoring well in geog. tsk.
let's hope i'd be able study better after this post.

well, i've got so many things i want to do ! ):
- i seriously think that i should revamp my wardrobe, though i hasn't been dressing up recently, but i took a closer look at it last night and i realized i've nothing much to wear.
baby said i've bought alot of clothes that i have never worn and i should at least wear them once, so that i'll not be wasting money. JUST LIKE HIM.
but you see, after all, revamption needs MONEY. ):
- i need to trim my brows, it's so effing ugly now and i can't take it.
- i got to do something to my hair, it's so bloody thick, but people arnd me told me i'm crazy cos my hair is so thin and i'm always thinking of cutting it.
i really feel like cutting it, but at the same time i wanna keep it long. I MISS MY LONG HAIR ! omg, any suggestions on whether to cut or not ?
- i really HAVE TO start drinking green tea, cos i'm like SO FAT and i'm dying to slim down.
i told issac i'm sick of playing as a center as i'm so weak, he said if i slimmed down, perhaps coach will consider putting me as a forward, instead of a center.
good idea, hur ? :D provided i must be swift in my moves.
- use my physco-ing power to physco dad to get me a coach bag, the new series of coach bags are goddamned gorgeous please ! oh my word.
- get a nice backpack, which i've been searching high and low for it since the start of the year and i have not found anything that pleases me.
- go shopping for shoes, i'm so sick of those lying on the shoes rack. i want to get ninewest heels ! bloody hell.
- help baby to get a replica of max before he comes back. HAHAH !
- go balling more often, excluding of trainings. and also, to go trainings on every thurs, COS XUELING WILL BE THERE ! :D my idol please.
- wax my legs and arms. i'm always darn lazy to do so, cos the aftermath of clearing it is damn troublesome.
- i should really go study for my geog, LIKE NOW. yes, NOW.

so, till then. (:

2007-05-02T22:33:00.001+08:00

[mood / excited]
[song / Star - 유미 (200 Pounds Beauty OST - Korean)]

andy boy has improved !
he still smile and laugh the cutest, and yes, i really find him cuter than jason.
he's one of the better player in acjc, and he scored a total of 11 points today. (:
the pictures are all thanks to jingyan's new w880i.
i wished andy boy advance happy birthday, and in return with a warm hand shake.
such an eye candy. HAHA !

2007-05-02T00:34:00.000+08:00

[mood / nostalgic]
[music / Vitamin C - Graduation Song (Friends Forever)]

i'm chatting with issac and weeyong on msn, and smsing andy now.
we are talking bout their a'div game, and they were all telling me that, that they missed playing b'div inter-school.
they were also saying that it feels as if like they just got into bp yesterday, and now, today, all of them have graduated frm it.
now, it's only me that is still left in bp, and i really missed them all like crazy.
i miss all the bp ballers, the ones in 2003 batch.
though they're not the champion, they've been the best in all the bpian's heart. (:

i miss all the fun times and crazy moments we had in school, esp with andy, weeyong and shawn.
i absolutely miss eating together (being stalked by shawn's crazy fans) after their game and cabbing home after that, though weeyong and shawn always cheat my money !
oh yes, and the funny thing is, we are all listening to the same song ! so sad.
i'm so gonna catch andy and issac play tmr.

2007-04-29T23:01:00.001+08:00

[mood / tired]
[music / Taking Back Sunday - Falling For You]

i'll let pictures do the talking.

tueday, before training, camwhoring in the toilet like as usual.

friday, balling at new court.

saturday, after training, exploring MHA.

i tell you, we so love ministry of home affairs can.
you can find mirrors every 2steps away, and these mirrors are perfect for photo taking !

i found this book at some bookstore, and the title of the book is 'jason'. HAHAHA !

and this is so adorable can.

2007-04-27T23:35:00.000+08:00

[mood / contemplative]
[music / Kang Sung Min - Snow Love (Korean)]

after what i saw just now, it has got me thinking, so much.
i've no idea why am i feeling this way, and also, in no position too, but it just sadden me to see him, and to see how much he had changed.
frm the past, a person whom i'll see everyday in that 252days without fail, and have everything under the sun to talk about, even seeing him happy made me happy, to someone whom i talk no more with. (yes, 252days. like as though you rmb)
i'm aware people do change, and that's how life goes, but it frightens me how much one changed in 4years time.
it's long, i know, but i don't find those 252days being together short too.
not like i'm trying to tell you here how much i loved you or what, but it amazed me how we got frm having everything to nothing. not even friends too, not even the hi-bye sort.

i had dinner with leonard's parents last weekend, and it's great.
everything is nice.
i just love talking to them, how awesomely understanding they are, and they left so much space for leonard and me, never even once stepped into our relationship.
you will never find parents as cool as his, really.
his dad has always thought that our relationship is stable and mature, which in fact, it is.
though there are more or less hiccups along the way, however we managed to pull through it all.
i dare to say, if everything goes smoothly for the next 4-5years, you will be able to see us as man and wife.
serious, not exaggerating, because it's not like everyday, you'd be able to find someone to walk your life with. in fact, the rest of your life.
being a woman, you don't meet nice man along your years of living so easily, so when you got it, cherish it. (:

2007-04-26T14:36:00.001+08:00

[mood / loved]
[music / Craig David - Unbelievable]

1. What is your phone model and what colour is your phone?
KU800, LG chocolate. in black. (:

2.Who's the first person who comes up under the letter M ?
macdonald's delievery hotline. HAHAHA !

3. Who's the last person you called?
singtel. because my phone kept sending mmses out, DAMMIT.

4. Who was your last missed call from?
baby.

5. Who's the 2nd person who comes up under D?
david.

6. Who's speed dial 2.?
i don't use speed dial.

7. Who's the 3rd person who comes up under J?
jackson.

8. Who was your last received call
baby. (:

9. Who's speed dial number 4?
none. told you i don't use speed dial.

10. What is your background?
baby & i. ((((:

11. How many text messages do u have?
inbox, 87.

12. Who's speed dial #3?
refer to question 9 please, thank you.

13. What's the 5th message say in your inbox?
why you kept sending mms to me ? by nouvelle.

14. Who's the 1st person who comes up under B?
bee yen.

15. Who was your last text message from?
kee fui.

16. Name every person you have text messages from:
WHAT THE FUCK, so many and how am i supposed to name all of them ?!
insanity. HAHAHA.

17. Have you seen the 101 Chuck Norris facts?
no.

18. Who's the 9th person on your missed calls?
i've only got 4, cos my phone is NEW ! HAHAHAHA.

19. What does the 6th message in your Outbox say?
nothing, it's empty.

20. Who is the last name in your Phonebook?
zhong shun.

21. Do you have a camera phone?
yeah, it is.

22. Who is the last person under G ?
guanhong.

23. What does the last text message say in your inbox?
jessie ah ! lol. frm kee fui.

24. Who is the second person under K?
kian ann.

25. What is your ringtone?
Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend.

i amused baby with these faces.

2007-04-25T23:49:00.001+08:00

[mood / bored]
[music / Big Brovaz - Baby Boy]

Last FRIEND you: (not including family)
> > 1. Saw: minyi.
> > 2. Talked to on the phone : andy. actually the last person i talked to was baby, but he's not my friend what.
> > 3. Text messaged: zhongsheng.
> > 4. Ate with: fee, jialing, marina, otah and minyi.

Today:
> > 1. I am/was: woken up by an acute pain in my tummy.
> > 2. Wearing: white polo tee and black shorts.
> > 3. What were u doing 10 hours ago: on the way to watch national finals.
> > 4. Dislikes about tomorrow: school ! ):

Favorite:
> > 1. Number(s): 6 and 7. :D
> > 2. Movies: step up.

Currently:
> > 1. Are you missing someone right now: yes yes yes ! baby ! ))):
> > 2. Mood: bored.
> > 3. Wanting: to be to touch and feel baby's face. ):

Q&A:
> > Q: First thing you did this morning?
> > A: kept pressing my tummy, cos it hurts quite badly.

> > Q: Favorite quote?
> > A: oh my god (in my highest pitch).

> > Q: What's bothering you right now?
> > A: i've no mc to cover my absence today.

> > Q: Where is the last place you went?
> > A: bugis.

> > Q: Do you have any siblings?
> > A: yes.

> > Q: Do you smile often?
> > A: not really, but i laugh often every min. :D

> > Q: Do you wish upon stars?
> > A: no, what for ?

> > Q: Are you a friendly person?
> > A: I AM ! but others don't think so. tsk.

> > Q: What color shirt are you wearing?
> > A: yellow.

> > Q: What were you doing at 12 last night?
> > A: bathing.

> > Q: When was the last time you cried?
> > A: few days back ? or weeks ago ? can't rmb la.

> > Q: Do you get angry easily?
> > A: yes, very !

> > Q: Take any vitamins?
> > A: yup.

> > Q: What are you about to do?
> > A: sleep.

> > Q: Did you ever check your phone waiting for someone to call?
> > A: yes, like duh.

> > Q: Rate life as of right now... 0-10?
> > A: 7. more than passable, but not that perfect, YET. (:

> > top 2 things found in your wallet:
> > 1.) cash
> > 2.) ezlink.

> > top 2 songs you can listen to again and again:
> > 1.) Jim Brickman & Martina McBride - Valentine.
> > 2.) Jesse McCartney - Because You Live.

> > top 2 reasons to watch television:
> > 1.) bored.
> > 2.) seriously have had got nothing better to do.

> > top 2 places I'd want to visit 10yrs. from now
> > 1.) south korea. like a MUST VISIT place by this year.
> > 2.) paris.

> > top 2 favorite your nick name:
> > 1.) jason
> > 2.) oyster tan or james. WHATEVER, YOU THINK I GOT A CHOICE ?!

> > top 2 favorite food:
> > 1.) japanese cuisine.
> > 2.) chinese cuisine. actually it doesn't matter as long as it's FOOD.

> > top 2 favorite snacks:
> > 1.) japanese crackers
> > 2.) chocolate

> > top 2 favorite website:
> > 1.) livejournal !
> > 2.) friendster. CAN STALK PEOPLE WHAT, RIGHT SOCK-HWEE ?! HAHAHAHA.

> > top 2 goals you want to accomplish:
> > 1.) get married !
> > 2.) get into the team, and talk to jason ! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !

> > top 2 favorite colors:
> > purple and red.
>
> > top 2 favorite part of the house:
> > my room and the toilet.

> > top 2 places where I love to shop
> > 1.) NUM.
> > 2.) forever21.

2007-04-23T22:43:00.000+08:00

[mood / high]
[music / Paula Deanda - When It Was Me]

MUMMY DEAREST GOT ME A NEW PHONE TODAY !
AND MY LG CHOCOLATE IS FUCKING PRETTY, I SWEAR.
I HEART MY PHONE x 666666666666666, and also mummy dearest ! (:
i took photos of my pretty phone, but am too lazy and tired to upload it.
wednesday, i promise there will be shit loads of photos.

anyway, i've changed my mobile number, as those who knows me and doesn't have it, pm me in friendster or msn to get it okay.
i'll send a sms of my new number to those in my contact list tmr though, so no worries.
and too, while sorting my contact list, i found so many people whom i doesn't know or had already forgotten who. HAHAHAHA.

i miss baby, out of a sudden.
i've no idea why too, it's just so suddenly. ):

2007-04-21T21:41:00.001+08:00

[mood / blah]
[ music / Gwen Stefani ft. Akon - The Sweetest Escape]

training was rather a'right, it's a good thing to see my mentality building up bit by bit.
4 hours of training, and thought i'd be able see jason at the end of training as a form of motivation and 'reward', but he wasn't here today.
oh yes, nobody in the team call me by the name of jessie anymore, they were all literally calling me either jason or james. AND EVEN BABY TOO, IRRITATING.
elica and dawn were like asking me what's with jason, and why they never stopped calling me jason.
and know what ? credit all goes to sohhwee and ah na a'ight. THANKS UH.

baby's currently running a temperature, and it's now his turn to have sexy voice. HAHA !
anyways, baby's mum called just now to invite me to dinner over their place tmr evening, i still love meeting baby's parents, though baby's not here beside me.

i hope dad is going to bring me to get a new phone tmr, it's a need not a want y'see.
my fucked up phone's dying on me, and it's gonna die anytime.
but it's such a pain choosing which phone to get, and i've been thinking bout it these few days.
initially wanted to get the sony ericsson w660i which's damn pretty, but it's only COMING SOON.
then i thought of either getting the LG prada phone or the samsung ultra slim edition slide phone, but baby said both are equally bimbotic and useless phones. moreover, the prada phone retails at bout 1.2k, which's totally not worth it at all.
but now after looking through websites, i feel like getting the LG chocolate.
i want something slim, pretty and durable.
boy, it's such a hassle to change phone, i wish i do not have to, but i REALLY have to this time round. shucks.

Oral.

2007-04-20T23:29:00.000+08:00

nothing interests me lately, except that chong yew brought his own pillow to school to sleep. HAHHA.
and he's not going back homeu, he's going tungsan ! sigh, damn wasted. omg.

&
it's PARK SE MI's birthday today ! lord.

2007-04-19T00:21:00.001+08:00

[mood / highly amused]
[music / Jesse McCartney - Because You Live]

it's so entertaining to see baby's irritated face through the webcam.
HAHAHAHAHAH !

2007-04-17T00:24:00.000+08:00

[mood / annoyed]
[music / Jim Brickman & Martina McBride - Valentine]

some people just doesn't know how to be discreet with their words.
you might not mean what you said, but the person you talked to reacts to the words you said, not what your mind thought.
eg: when 'A' injured himself, 'B' will say something like 'why are you so stupid ?'.
the words have already hurt 'A', which 'B' don't know and will not know cause he don't think that hurts. yes ?
the interpretation: A sees it as, you're calling him stupid and telling him that he deserves it. while B's actual meaning was that why is A so not careful to had injured himself, and he should be more careful next time round.
that is it, do you people get the drift ?
both, the insider and outsider sees the issue differently.
you might think this post is meaningless, but this is your everyday life.
the ways you talked make people think and feel differently, you might not feel it, but others do.

on the slighter note, i MUST thank sohhwee, weena, fee and jialing for helping to take photos of jason. HAHAHAHA.
this is damn random, but yeah. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, I LOVE ALL OF YOU MANY MANY.

Reflections, again.

2007-04-14T23:55:00.000+08:00

[mood / pensive]
[music / Vertical Horizon - Best I Ever Had]

i'm becoming more and more as a temperamental player.
i've no idea how to explain it, but it seemed like the way i play on court goes according by my mood.
it's darn bad, i tell you. and i never wished to be like that too.
i don't know why, but i was never like that before.
i felt so sick during training today, and for all the time i wasn't even paying any attention.
the 3on3 nearly killed me, my mentality wasn't even there at all, i gave up after running a little while.
thinking of it now, i feel like a bloody loser.
many told me it's a'ight, cos i was really sick, but still, that's not an excuse.
i was once told being sick is not an excuse to be under performing.
once you stepped onto the court, you gotta play your best, no matter what.
because that's the sportsmen spirit.
every ball counts, and too, the every point that comes after that.
for every game, you only get to play once, you don't give up easily just because you are not feeling well.
it's like either you play your best now, or regret later.
i forgot who was the one that told me all these, but it's really inspiring.

mentality, is what i truly need now.
GO JESSIE, FIGHTING ! (:

2007-04-13T00:10:00.000+08:00

[mood / enthralled]
[music / Joy Enriquez - How Can I Not Love You]

greatest part of me. (:

1. Song that always makes you sad?
Ee Byul Mot Han Ee Byul - Ji Sun. it' a sound track of my lovely samsoon.

2. Last thing you bought?
porridge.

3. Last person you argued with?
my younger bro, for eating my donut. ):

4. Do you put Butter before putting the peanut butter on?
i don't eat peanut butter, eew.

5. One of your stuffed animals' names as a kid?
i don't give them names.

6. Favorite person?
who else ? baby, leonard chew wen ze. ((:

7. Favorite day of the week?
saturday.

8. Favorite Sundae topping?
either hot fudge or crushed cookies.

9. Did you take Piano lessons?
nah, violin. but, stopped. hahaha.

10. Most frequent song played?
Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend. it makes me oh-so-high ! haha.

11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy?
those stupid yet amusing taiwanese variety show.

12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey?
basketball is my niche sport. but i'd love to try hockey, like dying to. :D

13. Date someone older or younger?
definitely older.

14. One place you would like to travel right now?
south korea or hong kong.

15. Do you use umbrellas?
yes, but i don't bring it around.

16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem?
no. like why should i know ?!

17. Your relationship status?
committed, taken. (:

18. Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend?
my baby & also an arrogant prince, who have no idea how this world goes. HAHAHAHAHAH. but effing pateint, kind, sweet and loving towards ME ! :D

19. Do you prefer Blondes or Brunettes?
brunettes.

20. Best job you ever had?
none. office-political sucks.

21. did you go to your high school prom?
not yet.

22. perfect time to wake up?
10am.

23. perfect time to go to bed?
12am.

24. do you use your queen right away in chess?
no.

25. Ever been in a car accident?
no.

26. closer to mom or dad...or neither?
mummy, she's like my best friend now. but there are times she's irritatingly naggy. HAHA.

27. what age is this exciting life over for you?
24, i guess ? the age to start to get serious bout life. (:

28. what decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager?
70s ? it spells fun.

29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned?
it's just shoes, it's all the same to me.

30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school?
i'm not even in high school, yet. but yeah.

31. Were you in track and field?
nah.

32. Were you ever in a school talent show?
nope.

33. Have you ever written in a library book?
yeah, when i was young.

34. Allergic to?
no idea.

35. Favorite fruit(s)?
mango, watermelon and honeydew.

36. The last thing you ate?
homecooked potato soup, made by my mummy. :D

37. Baseball hat or toque?
none, not a fan of caps.

38. Do you shampoo first in the shower or soap?
shampoo.

39. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste?
wet the toothbrush.

40. Pen or pencil?
pencil.

41. Have you ever gambled at a casino?
nope.

42. Have you thrown up on a plane?
nah.

43. Have you thrown up in a car?
nah.

44. Have you thrown up at work?
nah.

45. Do you scream on roller coasters?
yesssss.

46. Who was your first prom date?
not, yet.

47. Who was your first room mate?
none.

48. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time?
gin tonic and apple shooters. tsk tsk.

49. What was your first job?
surveyor.

50. What was your first car?
hello, i'm underage.

51. When did you go to your first funeral?
can't rmb.

52. How old were you when you first moved away from your home?
been staying here all the while.

53. Who was your first grade teacher?
mrs gan. haha, i could still rmb clearly.

54. Where did you go on your first airplane ride?
either taiwan or new zealand. can't rmb la.

55. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?
alone ! I'M A BRAVE GIRL, AND I WAS ONLY 4 THEN ! HAHAHAH !

56. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them?
not anymore.

57. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent's house?
have yet to.

58. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day?
depends.

59. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen?
none.

60. What is the first thing you do in the morning?
drink water(beauty tips). (:

61. What was the first concert you attended?
none.

62. First tattoo or piercing?
piercing, 7. tattoo, SOON. :D

63. First celebrity crush?
can't rmb.

64. How tall are you barefoot?
165.

65. Have you ever smoked?
yup.

66. Do you own a gun?
no. if yes, i'd have shot those heads down.

67. Do you hate someone right now?
yes !

68. Do you get nervous?
like who don't ?

69. What do you think of hot dogs?
i always got sick of it after eating 2 pieces.

70. What's your favorite Christmas song?
white christmas.

71. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
fresh mile or tea.

72. Do you do push ups?
yes, during trainings. or when i'm forced to. i hate push ups. ):

73. Is your bathroom clean?
yes.

74.What's your favorite piece of jewellery?
no particular liking.

75. Do you like painkillers?
yes, to stop pain.

76. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
no idea, how would i know. but none, i guess.

77. Do you own a knife?
yes.

78. Do you have H.I.V?
no.

79. Middle Name?
tweety bird. LMAO PLEASE.

80. Name 3 things u wanna do at this exact moment?
to stop mens-ing, so that i would not feel uneasy during training tmr.
to stop being sick. GIVE ME BACK MY VOICE LAAAAAAAAA !
TO BE ABLE TO SEE BABY ! ):

81. Name the last 3 apparels you have bought lately:
'i love boys' tee.
topshop polka dotted skirt.
wetseal black shorts.

82. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
JAPANESE GREEN TEA !! :D
blueberry tea.
water.

83. What time did you wake up today?
7am.

84. Current worry?
tmr's training. I GOT MENS, HOW ?! ):

85. Current hate?
those bunch of people. EEEEEEWW !

86. Favorite place to be?
anywhere, as long as it's with good company or baby. (:

87.Least favorite place to be?
SCHOOL ! sucks man.

88.Where would you like to go now?
UK, TO LOOK FOR BABY !!! ):

89. Do you own slippers?
yes, and only havaianas and nothing else. HAHAHAHAH.

90. What are you wearing?
nike shorts and school green house tee. LOL.

91. Do you burn or tan?
neither !

92. Favorite color/s?
purple, gold, bright red, electric blue, black and white.

93. Would you like to be a pirate?
no, what for ?

94. Last time you had an alcoholic drink?
few weeks back ? can't rmb.

95. What songs do you sing in the shower?
SMACK THAT ! HAHAHAHAHAH !

96. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
barbie dolls, monsters and ghosts. i'm uber imaginative as a child.

97.What's in your pocket/s right now?
my shorts doesn't have any pockets.

98. Last thing that made you laugh?
JASON'S TRIMMED BROWS !! it's darn funny CAN !

99. Best bed sheets you had as a child?
barney prints.

100. Worst injury you've ever had?
physically, sprained both ankles. emotionally, heartache.

101. How many TVs do you have in your house?
3.

102. Who is your loudest friend?
SOHHWEE ! who else ? HAHAHAHA.

103.Who is your most silent friend?
none of my friend is silent ? HAHHAHAHA.

104. Does someone have a crush on you?
doubt so.

105. Do you wish on shooting stars?
nah, like since when wishes do come true ?

106. What is your favorite book?
geography textbook. AND I'M SERIOUS.

107. What is your favorite candy?
JELLY BEANSSSSSSSSSSSS !

108. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
Jim Brickman & Martina McBride - Valentine. OUR SONG ! ((:

109. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
whining baby on the phone.

110. What was the First thing you did today?
text my favorite bitching partner in the team, pipi. HA.

Donut factory. >.<

2007-04-12T00:54:00.000+08:00

i queued for bloody 3hrs for donut factory, and i tell you the queue wasn't exactly THAT long.
mind you, i was running a temperature.
the problem lies with the buyers, they were all damn fickle bout what to get, and majority of them kept changing their mind bout what donuts to get.
COME ON, JUST BUY ALL THE 15 FLAVOURS IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO CHOOSE OKAY !
these people are damn irritating, esp the aunties infront of us.
they requested for 1each for each flavours, and later questioned the keeper what flavour is it, then she said 'oh, i don't want this, it doesn't sounds nice, get me the other one'. and the cycle just goes on and on for a few times.
moral of the story: DON'T SOUNDS NICE, DON'T EVEN BUY !
i really pity those 2people shop keepers, if it were me, i'd just scream my head off at them.
OKAY FINE, ENOUGH OF DONUTS !

GOOD NEWS HERE !
BOTH THE MENS & WOMENS TEAM OF HOME UNITED MADE IT INTO THE FINALS !
YAYNESS, DOUBLE VICTORY !
and guess what ? means we can get nicer jerseys this time round ! HAHAHAHHAA.
oh yesssss, and jason trimmed his brows !
i swear he looked super gay la, like what candy said 'omg omg omg'.
i don't know why he did it, but it's really funny even if he's jason. HAHAHA.
okay, watever it is, i'll still love him like how i used to do and will always do ! :D (sorry leonard, but i still have to say this)

oh wait, our WEIRD MANAGER WANTED TO SNATCH MY DONUTS AWAY !

Like an angel.

2007-04-08T22:25:00.001+08:00

i feel shattered, my heart aches more than my body does.
i couldn't say i love you no more, i felt my heart breaking the moment i've learnt bout it.
how i wish we were still where we first started, pretend like nothing has changed a bit.
i've been sleeping alot today, perhaps it's due to the lacking of sleeps recently.
i slept a total of 16hrs today, frm 12am to 12pm, and went back to sleep at 5pm and woke up only at 9pm.
if only sleeping makes me able to forget everything.

on the other note, i've started drinking green tea every night before i sleep.
i hope it does work, like what rachel told me.
the taste of japanese green tea actually ain't that bad, it just tastes like those normal teas.
unlike those pokka/heaven and earth kind, the taste sucks big time.
also, someone please like constantly remind me not to over consume it, if not my legs will start to grow weaker.
and there goes my mvp. (only sohhwee knows)

2007-04-02T23:04:00.001+08:00

met up with dajie at jurong entertainment for dinner.
as usual, we crapped, bitched, laughed and cam whored alot.

my dajie. (:

we are smoking crap.

the above are only half the amount of the pictures taken.

JASON !

2007-04-01T23:45:00.000+08:00

i know this is random, but i just gotta say,
JASON IS DROP DEAD GORGEOUS !

pictures took on wed's game.
i know they wouldn't want me to put these pictures up, and i looked damn fugly.
and that's why i just have to cover our faces. (:
i swear jason look drop dead gorgeous in the first picture, i nearly faint looking at it.
tsk, i know i'm just THAT hopeless, hoplessly obsessed bout him.

how, love. you ?

2007-04-01T01:23:00.000+08:00

i spent my whole afternoon with mr zs in my room talking bout the past, present and future, and falling asleep together in each other's embrace.
and i realized that how much i've hated him for all the shits he had done to me, which leads to the lack of trust in between us here and there now.
i was telling if he were to treat me as in the past, i'd stab him countless times, cut him into pieces then cook curry with it.
however, presently, we are very happy with each other's company like almost, everyday.
but still, i've no idea what the future holds for us, so just let it come what may. (:

another thing is that, i was watching guess show just now.
there were five couples, and the guests are supposed to guess which couple had already broke off by hearing their heart to heart talk, presenting of gifts and etc.
i just thought that it's very cruel to make a broken off couple to do all these things, and worst of all, you've to say things to each other like you're still a couple.
maybe many are not aware, but it hurts more than a million stabs on your body.
by looking at the guy, i reckon he's damn sad. yet, speechless.
i guess he couldn't do anything much bout the breakup.
i feel for him, i really do.
i know more than anybody else how does it feels to be so near yet so far.
love. sigh, love. ):

2007-03-30T23:15:00.000+08:00

if there's ever one thing i could never take control of,
it would be my emotions.

FUCK YOU LA !

2007-03-27T23:33:00.001+08:00

I'M FUCKING ANGRY AND BLOODY FUMING MAD.
I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE DON'T GET WHAT I MEANT, I DON'T WRITE BAD ENGLISH, AND I DON'T SEE WHY THEY DON'T GET IT.
CAN'T THEY FREAKING OPEN THEIR EYES BIG TO READ PROPERLY ?!
I DON'T EVEN HAVE AN IDEA WHAT TIME MY SPORTS HEAT ENDS, HOW CAN I PROMISE OTHERS TO GET STUFF.
NOT LIKE I'M DAMN FAMILIAR WITH THAT AREA OR WHAT, AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO GET IT.
I'VE GOT SCHOOL IN THE MORNING, SPORTS HEAT IN THE AFTERNOON, NOT KNOWING WHETHER I CAN REACH THERE ON TIME ANOT AND I'M NOT FREE AT ALL !
AND NOW PEOPLE ARE ASKING ME TO DO THINGS I CAN'T PROMISE, I'LL BE BLAMED IF I DON'T GET IT, YOU SEE.
SO NOW WHAT'S THE FREAKING PROBLEM WITH SOME PEOPLE ?!

2.4.

2007-03-27T22:51:00.001+08:00

i finished my 2.4km run in 14min !
am so proud of myself being so determined and self-motivated throughout the whole run, and never once stopped. (:
now i hope i'll do as well during the 2.4run stressed by the manager.

FIGHT.

2007-03-26T23:22:00.001+08:00

yesterday the home u guys played against safsa game was really an 'eye opener', or i should say a shock of my life.
the players of the two team were literally having fist fight, damn happening and everyone was ferocious.
how shocked i was to see how violent jason actually is.
he just ran over, shouting 'lanjiao' and then hit one of the safsa guy in the face.
but really, not because i'm from home u, or i'm so captivated by him, i still think it was the safsa guys' fault.
well, still, jason was also wrong to fight too.
so, well well.now, i'm just so curious what will happen to him.
for the whole day in school, i just kept pestering chong yew, asking him to go back to home u training.
so that i could know what actually happened to jason. hahahha !
mr zs was kind enough to help me with my chinese essay, and he had sucha hard time typing.
it was like i told him verbally what i want to write, and he typed everything out for me, in CHINESE.
how sweet.mr zs, if you're reading this, I LOVE YOU MANY MANY okay.
SEE, NOW YOU'RE GRINNING FRM EAR TO EAR ! tsk.

just now, dad cooked sweet potatoes soup with japanese PURPLE sweet potatoes, and he asked zs if he'd like a bowl.
here, their conversation.
dad; zhongsheng, would you like to have a bowl of sweet potatoes soup.
zs; sure, my pleasure. *smile*
dad; *scoup one bowl for him* there you go.
zs; *glaring at the bowl of sweet potato with disbelieve* er, uncle, why is the soup purple and too, the sweet potatoes.
dad; *stare at zs with amusement for a min* haven't you heard of apanese purple sweet potatoes ?
zs; well, yes. but looking at the colour, it's not edible, ain't it ?
dad and i bursted into laughters, and poor zs looking real puzzled.

the purple sweet potatoes soup.

Fuck.

2007-03-25T01:53:00.001+08:00

we had 4 1/2hours of training today, from 930am to 2pm.
and we ran like crazy today, was kinda physically challenged for most of us, due to the condition of our stamina, especially me.
what's more, manager made us stayed back to train our passes and fakes, cos she was so freaking unhappy with our performances.
i swear she IS sucha bitch. she is, and will always be one.
complaining bout this and that, and she was saying my fakes weren't convincing enough, for her.
you see, she knows i'm going to fake her, and she's like so prepared that i'm going to fake, plus she caught up with every single one and claims we did not passed.
i don't know how to put it la, if you're a baller and i'm sure you'll somehow get the drift.
it's just like she was totally clinging onto you even though you had already passed her defend and got the ball, she just don't want to admit defeat.
L-O-S-E-R = LOSER !
she's not even the coach, she's only the TEAM MANAGER that only requires to do admin stuff for the team, not giving comments on how to coach us.
i'm so sick of seeing her fucking pretty face every twice a week, she made me utterly disgusted on how she tries so hard to mingle with us.
treating us food, free cab rides home and endless preaching wanting us to acknowledge her existence.
oh my word, pathetic. really is. TSKTSKTSK.
i'm so cranky today, so please pardon me that the whole post is just plain complaining.
i can't even think of anything pretty good to blog about, except i'll be watching jason play tomorrow.
i'm not going to be emo anymore. i'm not i'm not i'm NOT !
fuck all mood swings.

Motivation for school ?

2007-03-23T20:43:00.001+08:00

jessica called just now to tell me that ms ong is planning to kick me out of school, and too, ms ong called and asked to meet my mum next monday.
she said my attendance is horrible, had not been paying attention in class (she thinks so herself), flunked almost every subjects' class test and she really had got no idea what to do about me anymore.
seriously, let aside her, me too, have no idea what to do bout myself.
okay, it's just everybody. every single soul around me lost all hopes on me, asking, preaching and scolding me for me to go to school.
really, i found no motivation to go to school. it's really a fucking waste of my time.
not like i've not tried to working hard academically, but everytime, it were all dissapointments to me.
i don't know how my brothers or others scored all As for their every damn subjects, but it's just all so impossible for me to obtain.
yes, zs was right, i should just freaking stop pushing blames on others, it was just me. my faults, and nobody else's.
i'm aware if i don't start going to school every damn single day, zs and my bros will ignore me the rest of my life.
but really, i'm just hopelessly lazy, i know.
i know how my life would be in the future if i do not hold at least hold a degree, but it does not motivates me at all.
how i wish school is just all about languages. if it's so, i'd have fucking passed my exams with flying colours.
from now on, don't freaking put any hopes on me, cos i'll only dissapoint you at the end of everything, i'm just hopeless, so forget it.

if you think you want to ignore me forever, just do it.
i can't be bothered anymore, i'm so tired of everything that's happening to me.
quit me, quit life.
fuck la.

2007-03-20T23:49:00.001+08:00

you, my everyday.
i just don't get sick of seeing you every single day, without fail. (:

oh yes, there was this guy named ash that added me in msn.
when i asked him how did he get my msn, he replied 'i don't know.. just like that lor... i didn't add you also..'
YEAH RIGHT, HOW FUNNY PLEASE !
you mean my contact just appear on that person's list by miracle hur, come on, get a life la.
i'm so sick of people giving out another person's contact (email/mobile number) without even getting consent from the holder.
LIKE HELLO, WHERE HAVE ALL THE MANNERS GONE TO ?!
i don't bite, so just ASKKKKKKK okay.
on the other news, kaisin said i should reply all the tags, because all of them are from goodwill.
therefore, tags replied. ((:
yeah, i won't be updating my blog that often nowadays, cos i'm just too lazy and ran out of things to blog due to the super boring life i'm leading. HAHA !
and NOOOOOOO, i'm not with mr zs, we are not together okay.
so quit asking.

Once upon a time.

2007-03-16T01:36:00.000+08:00

once upon a time i was falling in love,
but now i'm only falling apart.
once upon a time there was light in my life,
but now there's only love in the dark.
and, there's nothing i can do.

Music and Lyrcis - Way Back Into Love

2007-03-14T13:18:00.000+08:00

Music And Lyrics OST - WAY BACK INTO LOVE

I’ve been living with a shadow, over head
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud, above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on

I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
just in case I ever need them again someday
I’ve been setting aside time
to clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can’t make through without a way back into love
Oh-oh

I’ve been watching
but the stars refuse to shine
I’ve been searching
but I just don’t see the signs
I know that it’s out there
there’s gotta be something for my soul somewhere

I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
and I’m open to your suggestions

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I’m hoping that you’ll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
and if you’ll help me to start again
you know that I’ll be there for you in the end

both the movie and songs are beautiful, definitely worth watching.
just too good to be true, love it. (:

Vengeful.

2007-02-26T22:06:00.000+08:00

what my chinese teacher said during lesson today was so right, and i couldn't agree more than that.
she said 'when two persons are together in a relationship, the most important things of all are to be able to see eye to eye, to feel for the other half and to compromise.'
if not, it would be better to let each other go and to just remain as friends.
thus, i told whatever i was told to mr zs.
he, too, felt it was true to rather extend our friendship than to upset it because of, love.
the feeling of being loved has never been there, and still, will not be there no matter how long it's gonna be.
i felt so much better to had remained as friends, again.
i'm be able to talk to him at ease now, without any emotion barriers.
i love him so much, because i've always found a friend in him.
the bestest kind somemore. really. totally worldclass friend. (:
i'm talking to him right now, and i just can't stop talking to him.
i don't know why, but there are so much things to bitch about being the best friends.

on the other note, mum just told me that my paternal grandma is coming to stay over at our place for 2weeks in march.
my first reaction was 'okay, then i'm going over popo (maternal granny)'s place to stay for that 2weeks.'
i'm not being unfilial or whatsoever, but my paternal grandma is definitely the most troublesome person you could ever find in the world.
she had never liked any children of her sons, she totally biased against the sons' children.
she just like picking at us so much, no matter how nice we treated her.
when young, my mum used to tell my bros and i that she'll change in time when she knows that we truly cared for her.
but HELL NO, no matter how well and true heartedly we treated her, she still never liked us, forever screaming at us in hainanese or what have you.
i tell you, the way she scold us is even worst than dogs a'ight !
now that i'm old enough, i've had enough shit of her, like fucking yeah.
i don't care if my dad sees this post of what, but really, i had enough.
i don't know how my mum and bros tolerate shits from her, but i definitely can't.
if you people think i'm inhuman to say these bout my grandma, but fuck, you could tell between the way i treat my maternal grandparents and my paternal grandma.
zzzz, i wasted so much anger on a worthless person. wth !
oh yes, i'm vindictive. like VERY.
i always remember how people treats me, regardless good or bad. i just will never forget.

What do i do ?

2007-02-25T23:47:00.000+08:00

i felt the song separation has a special connection with me.
it reflects so much of my relationship. in fact, relationships.
i've got people asking me why am i always walking on edges of relationship.
seriously, i've no idea why and i don't chose to do so. or maybe candy was right, because it's just so me.
don't tell me how hard he has tried, really.
you people should really try understanding the meaning of 'once bitten twice shy', before jumping to any conclusion.
i cried so hard in my sleep last night, that it scared my dad to almost death.
my dad got up to find me crying in my sleep and woke me up from it.
i remembered the dream was about my separation with leonard.
dad had always been telling me this: 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'.
but hello, true that it doesn't kill me physically, but i'm by all defeated emotionally and dying.
i'm depressed, real depressed.
stop pestering me and just leave me alone.

What the hell.

2007-02-24T22:36:00.000+08:00

for god sake, my head is hurting fucking badly like nobody's business.
and i don't see why do i have to try so hard explaining myself to you, when in the first place you're the effing one that misunderstood my stand.
i felt so much like a loser, i knew you were so back then and will always be so, yet i've stupidly convinced myself to once again commit to you.
the saying of a leopard never change it's spot is so right, am so tired always trying to explain myself to the world.
perhaps it was just me, or was it you ?
y'know, time from time, i really have no idea what do i stand, in your heart.
i'm not being emo here, just plain fed up.

Happy CNY people ! ((:

2007-02-17T15:13:00.000+08:00

spent last night over his place.
watching a moment to remember through channel u, playing uno, then drive over to old thomson road for prata and home near dawn.
he said i was silly enough to cry over a movie, which might be not true at all.
though it's my third time watching it, i still never quite got over it.
i'm still crying as hard like how i did when i first watched.
have not slept for the whole night, i swear my face look super fugly now, no matter how much makeup i put won't be able to cover it. esp the eye bags. ):
i'm so sad, it's chinese new year's eve, yet i can't even look pretty for the day.
and he said, i should pray hard not to have any dishes to do with crab on my reunion dinner tonight.

anyways, won't be in singapore till the 20th, so don't bother calling me.
i don't have roaming la ! hahaha. fucking pathetic can.
so anyhow, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR.
may i collect many many red packets this year, win big big during gambling and mahjong ! muah. :D

Ankle laaaaaaaaaa. ):

2007-02-16T00:27:00.000+08:00

it's so irksome when spraining of ankle becomes the aftermath of trainings/ballings.
i think i should like seriously start listening to elvin, not to ball anymore till my both ankles recover.
but how am i supposed to stop training ! you should see how much i enjoyed my every trainings.
it's the best thing to know training has been increased to twice a week, it's like going for trainings every week make me effing happy.
no, it's has nothing gotta do with jason tan. i know elvin will start saying that i'm so eager to go trainings every week because i'll get to see jason tan.
please, BELIEVE ME LA !
but i don't deny jason tan's my motivation, esp in basketball. (:
and yayness, our team manager booked a chalet for the team during march holiday.
for team bonding purposes. :D
it's at changi aloha loyang, like since when you can go chalet as a team even without paying a single cent ! totally shiok-licious uh.
i just can't wait for march holiday to come !
right, i'm full of shits now when i ought to go to bed.
hahahha, whateverrrr !

2007-02-13T00:17:00.000+08:00

mr zs wants me to write this on my blog:
"i do not have the ability to make you happy, but i have what it takes to make you feel better."

how nice.
the best way to make me feel better is to get me everything from my wanted list. (:
mind you, it's wanted, not wishing.
cause wishes don't come true la, only little girls believe in wishes.

Suicide. ):

2007-02-12T12:03:00.000+08:00

why doesn't one cherish her own life when she's given a chance to live ?
there're people fighting so hard just to live, when she just easily gave up on her own life.

My favorite boy. ):

2007-02-09T23:37:00.000+08:00

it was the release of the O levels result today, and i'm uber proud to say my school did pretty well. (:
both AAs, yiyan and beixi got both 8 and 9 distinctions.
i don't know why, though i wasn't the one taking result, but i feel like i've just gotten superb result. HAHAHA !
oh, and our pretty jiaxuan got 9 distinctions too !
but well, my favorite boy wasn't at all pleased with his result and looked so restless throughout the whole of the day. ):
it upsets me when i see him not smiling, not being the usual him, but he kept assuring to me that he's fine.
i hope he is. (:
coach was damn cute please, she smsed me asking me whether did i get my expected result. but i told her mine's going to be like 2years later, but she said nevermind, you''ll get good result then. HAHAHAH !
that's so nice of her ! :D
oh wells, should go to bed now, training tmr !
i heart training ! (((((: and training makes me happy, regardless what. (:

oh and perlin, if you happened to see this:
YOU DID WELL, OKAY ! :D

Cheating half ?

2007-02-06T21:02:00.000+08:00

it's nice to have someone;

to come down from north to west just to drive you to the polyclinic, where the journey only took 5mins.
to make an effort finding your place by using the street directories, and not troubling you with the directions.
to bear the long waiting hours to see the doctor in polyclinic, just for the sake of accompanying you.
and above all, he does not complain a single word.

whatever it is, i hope this isn't just facade.
i don't wanna fall deep within and turned out everything to be a lie.

Mac hot tea.

2007-02-05T16:33:00.000+08:00

i know the mac's hot tea that was delivered to my place was from you.
cause nobody in this world knows that mac's hot tea perk me up during my mens days, except you.
and only you.
2packets of creamer, 5packets of sugar and piping hot tea, thank you.
what surprised me wasn't the tea, but those little details you remembered so well.

but the 4months being apart from you, and 2months being alone made me a stronger person.
it teaches me how not to be affected by little things done by others, eg. being touched, cried over small little details.
maybe in the past, during my mens days, i'd be lying on my bed for the whole day crying of the pain i've been suffering. reluctant to get up on my feets to walk, go to school, or needless to say, trainings.
but now, i got up from bed for school, to get my own things done and i could even go trainings.
no longer clinging onto you, calling you every half an hr just to tell you how much i've suffered, for you to hear me cry and wanting to hear your consoling words.
cos y'see, i've rowed too far out of the sea, the sea of our love.
the waves are pushing me on, not letting me turn back, no matter how much strength i've used and tried rowing back to you, i couldn't.
now, i'm so used to doing things by myself.
sleeping alone, walking home late alone, finding solutions when troubled alone and i do not want to get used to being 'accompanied' once again.

I wish.

2007-02-04T23:56:00.000+08:00

life never fails to play pranks on me.
just when i thought i'm starting to be doing fine with my life, he came back and unknowingly i met him on the streets today.
it messes up my mind again, i'm not doing okay, not thinking okay, not looking okay.
everything's screwed up once again.
and i really have no idea how long will i take to recuperate this time round.
perhaps that's why people called 'that's life'.
and y'know, y'see, that's LIFE.

it's painful to realized that the one you had always loved does not belongs to you anymore.

Without You

2007-02-01T23:02:00.000+08:00

"Without You"
Kimberley Locke (feat. Clay Aiken)

Never even thought to cry
When I heard you say goodbye
Never said where you were going

There's no laughter in the air
Only silence everywhere
And so much left unspoken

Since you've been gone
I haven't been the same
I wish that i could see
Who's to blame

Without you, where do I belong?
Without you, how can I go on?
And No love but yours will ever do
Tell me how am i supposed to live my life?
Without you

Was I lost in you and me
To the point i couldn't see
That what we had was dying

Now it's all that I can do
To see photographs of you
And stop myself from crying

I should learn to live without your love
Got so many memories
But it's not enough

Without you, where do i belong?
Without you, how can i go on?
And No love but yours will ever do
Tell me how am I supposed to live my life
Without you?

I feel helpless and, oh, so all alone
Like I've never felt before
You made me feel alive
But I don't remember what it's like anymore

Without you, where do I belong?
Without you, how can I go on?
And No love but yours will ever do
Tell me how am I supposed to live my life
Without you?

Without you, where do I belong?
Without you, how can I go on?
Tell me how am I supposed to live my life
Without you?

Oh baby where do I belong?
Please tell how can I go on?
Without you...

Singapore slingers and soccer.

2007-02-01T16:38:00.000+08:00

went to watch singapore slingers playing against melbourne 36ers game ytd at the singapore indoor stadium.
but wretched, it clashes with the singapore against thailand soccer game.
the moment i stepped out of the mrt, all i could see was red.
it's typically RED everywhere, wtf. and the crowd was crazy, shipei and i have to squeezed our way through the crowd to get to the bus terminal.
and goddamned it, the slingers and the soccer game ended at the same time, and the bus stops were bursting and we could not get on the bus cause obviously, the soccer fans occupied the whole of the bus because the outdoor stadium is before of the indoor stadium.
so, bobby, shipei and i gotta WALK our way out of the stadium, cause they were really no bus or cab available. acutally it's a good thing that we walked, cos the traffic jam was damn bad that it's hardly moving at all. and bobby was right, we should be glad we're walking cause at least, we're progessing.
we took a whole 30mins or so just to walk out to the main road, yes, it's THAT bad. but anyways, partly it's because we were taking the opposite direction and that explains. but i'm glad that i made it home, by the mrt.

i've no idea why my head upsets me pretty much.
i guess i'm really thinking way too much, things i'm not supposed to and should be forgotten long ago.
i really don't know why i can't stop listening to without you.
and i really really don't know why did i send him that birthday wish.
i must be out of my mind.
something that was left calmly there untouched, and words were left unspoken there and i really have no idea why did i spoil it all.
fuck.

Jelly shoes.

2007-01-29T22:06:00.000+08:00

i just recieved my jelly shoes frm my doorstep, this seller has got excellent service !
knowing that i sprained my ankle and have difficulties travelling to cityhall to meet them, she acutally took the trouble to drive over my place and pass me the shoes. and i heart my new jelly shoes ! ((:
oh, did i mentioned this ? i saw Jason Tan on sat during training.
and i melted straight on the spot, cause my legs went weak seeing the sight of him, and he actually smiled at me when i walk pass him to refill my water bottle !
omfg, i should be damned. and no, i did not walk over to him on purpose okay.
a'ight, this post is seriously like whatever. don't mind me.

Happy.

2007-01-28T23:46:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling kinda a'ight today, and thus, decided to go shopping. like finally, i went out with my own will and did shopping.
but ultimately, shopping makes me happy.
before heading out to shop, dad drove me over to yuhua to see the chinese physician to fix my ankle, however the queue was damn bloody long and i could die just waiting for my turn. just i decided to give it a pass there and to go to the one in yishun, which minyi recommended. but in any case, if you people would ever want to visit the chinese physician in yuhua blk 253, i'd advise you NOT, because the charges there are DAMN STEEP. it charges near to 100bucks to fix an ankle.
i've no idea why my dad sent me there knowing that the charges are so high, i guess he must be thinking of ways to spend his overflowing money la. HAHA !
and i tell you i'm like jinxed, i walked out of the clinic and flag for cab but there were none and i've to call for a cab because i need to rush to the clinic on time before it closes, and after i called for a cab, there were freaking many cabs coming on my way. just fuck it okay, waste my 2.50 for nothing ! ): i had to take a cab down to yishun cause my dad went back home, due to his impatienceness to wait for my turn in the jurong's clinic. but anyways, it's okay cause it's my dad's money, not mine ! heh.
dad came over yishun to fetch me to town after i've seen the doctor.
met my beloved cousin candy at town, had pastamania's meatball pasta for lunch and walked arnd to look for nice clothes, but sadly, there were only a few that caught my eyes. ): oh yes, i went town and shop with my ankle's dressing on. HAHAH ! damn embarrassing, everybody's looking at me wherever i goes.
and i saw this real pretty polkadotted tunic frm zara and it costs good 69bucks ! wanted to get it initially, but decided to give it a pass later. it's like 69bucks la, and i don't think my lust for that top would lasts more than a month.
SEE, i've got great resistance nowadays to not get things i lusted.
we then went over to gucci as cousin candy wanted to get a bag for cny. i saw one that i really liked, actually it was the one i saw months ago and i really loved it.
i tell you, this's true love okay. am not lusting for the bag, I LOVE ! however back then, mum got me another one which i don't really like now. ): sad uh.
told daddy bout it and he says okay, but i'm still comtemplating whether should i, or not get it. it's freaking 1K, and it'd be good money if i convert it to my korea trip. but sigh sigh sigh, i really don't know how.
cousin candy says i should get it, cause it's very hard for a girl to love a bag more than 3months and it's like love at first sight too.
I REALLY DON'T KNOW LAAAAAAAAA. ): somebody tell me what to do can. urgh !
but anyhow, i'm happy cause i got this pretty black and white stripes tunic at only 24bucks. fucking good buy la ! and it's the one and only piece. ((((:
i came to realization that i should go for cheap clothings, cause i don't usually wear my clothes more than 10times. and there were so many pieces that i chuck it aside after wearing for once. so sad la.
i'm very happy with my injured ankle, cause of this, i'd be able to skip dance lessons that stressed by the school. all the dances are fucking lame, eg. rain's.
BIG EEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

omfg, it's been ages since i last wrote sucha long entry. holy shit !

2007-01-24T23:12:00.000+08:00

i can't seem to stop whining to myself and screaming heads off others.
my mood is rotten to the core, i got irritated over the slightest thing.
i really can't stand those turbulent sec1s being so noisy and always blocking my way, i just feel like smacking them hard on their heads. they are always getting on my nerves, and i never remembered being such a pest during my sec1 days. i swear i wasn't.
and i swear, whichever sec1s that came into my way tomorrow, i shall just push them off my path. am so fucking sick of screaming and staring at them everyday of my life, and by this way, my life has been shorten by few years. sucks.
maybe not just the sec1s, even the sec4 express students are pain in my ass.
i've also been ultra sensitive on the way people talks to me, especially if you're younger than i am, you'd better be polite before i even slap your face tight. i'm serious, cause i'm not in a freaking good mood to joke with anybody.
don't sms me unless i smsed you, i'm too irked to even bother to reply.
and to those who did not reply my smses, even once or so, I WILL NOT BOTHER TO REPLY YOU IN THE FUTURE. no matter how urgent the matter is, i'll just FUCK CARE.
fucking remember this hard in mind, what goes around, comes around. you ask for it, assholes.
and those who owes me money, especially those that borrowed since god-knows-when, you'd better return me the money before i burn down your house, kill your dog or tear your bag into pieces.
what i want to say is, fucking leave me alone.
i don't entertain, anymore. i'm not a clown, never was and will not be.

2007-01-22T23:04:00.000+08:00

seeking closure.

rainy days made me depressed, and the weather forecast reported that it's gonna rain the next few days.
lydia was right, i HAVE TO walk out of that gray zone of my life to find a brand new me. or maybe the me i used to be.
and i believed i had been in there for too long. too long that i really forgotten when was the last time i was truly happy bout something that i could laugh my lungs out.

really, it was so long ago. very very long ago, indeed.

2007-01-21T23:41:00.000+08:00

damn, i should have went to my uncle's birthday celebration. mum came back and told me hong junyang was there, so are the other superstars and also michelle chia. okay, i'm not that interested in others, but only junyang. no doubt, chanel brought them there lar.
if not, you think they know it's my uncle's birthday meh ?!
wtf, should have gone. ): why didn't like xiaowei jie told me earlier that they're going.
if not, there won't be so many mishaps happening to me, minus the ankle.
after reading back some recent entries that i wrote, i realized my standard of speaking/writing english had gone from acceptable to bad and bad to worst.
and now, i'm wondering do those people out there still understand me ? urgh.
bad bad bad. everything's so fucking rotten.

i feel so empty, somebody please filled me in.

.

2007-01-20T23:49:00.000+08:00

my day was fucken bad, and things are fucken messed up.
- sprained my ankle during training.
- fingers got cut by can lid.
- hearing things i shouldn't be hearing, things that fuckers kept from me.
- being treated like a fool and took in more shits than ever.
my mood shall be real nasty frm now on, whoever that provokes me, i'll show no mercy.
i came to realization i've been too kind all along, everybody came, one by one treating me like a fucking fool. motherfuckercheebye, i hope those people's family got knocked down by train. knn.
i've no fucking idea should i be sad instead of being angry. wtf.
i do have a limit, if you don't know bout that. stop pushing it like nobody's business. knn.

Why do all good things come to an end ?

2007-01-20T00:36:00.000+08:00

NUS guys came in fifth in ivp, after playing against SMU guys in the 5th and 6th placing today.
i was kinda shocked to see NUS there today, cause i thought they'd come in as zheng men(first place) or fu men(second place) in their grouping and so will make it to the semis which's tmr.
what i thought they were quite good and very constant.
but wells, this's simply how basketball goes.
no.15 still looking as good as ever, but honey and i think that he's most probably belongs to the 25 and above age group. hahaha.
oh, and i bought 2 pairs of havaianas for myself in two days. 3 actually, but one pair was for lynn dajie, as her very belated birthday present.
yes, i failed as a xiaomei. ):
i still clearly remembered how my purple brazilian praia snapped the other time, and i've got a phobia for it now. ): i hope history won't repeat itselves.
and no, i wasn't the one who made it snapped okay, some ass squeezed his/her fat legs into my flip flops and caused it to snapped. KNN !
i should be sleeping now, by right. training tomorrow morning, for the first time.
super nervous larrrrrrrrr. )):
but yay, jason here i come ! :D

Baby, it's you.

2007-01-17T00:25:00.000+08:00

the mr zs look-alike, NUS no.15 is damn hot.
he's just so HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT !
totally irresistible, he melts me with his every moves.
more than michael wong, but lesser than jason tan. (:
i've no idea why, but if you do noticed, i've got this fetish for point guards/playmakers.
hello, cause the playmakers are usually HOT people !
hothothot, so hot that i can't handle. HAHAH !

okay, stop that jessie !
it's still JASON TAN CHEE CHAI still !
i think i'll melt straight on the spot when i see him this coming sat.
WOO.

I fell apart.

2007-01-15T23:29:00.000+08:00

it's not easy being the reason of someone's life.
the burden is afflictive and too heavy that you could just fall apart anytime,
and not many could afford such commitment.

i'd say i can't, so i'm not asking for more too.
things that's happening now are too distant to be rewound.
yes, seriously, i know i really have got to wake up.
from whatever fantasies i'm still living in.
it's been long, way too long that i'm lost in there.

my headaches are coming back to me, again.
i thought it had stopped a month ago, but how was i to know it hit me right back double the pain just today.
whenever i'm concentrating on things i want to do, it came back.
like how much more lucky can i get.
don't blame me for being cranky, i just couldn't control that.
when you're going to blame me or curse me for being sucha bitch to you, please, just stop and think how would you feel to have migraine almost every single day of your life ?
i don't asked for that okay, get the fact right, i'm suffering.
it's ain't fun, it's equivalent to banging your head hard against the wall for uncountable times.
so if you think it's nothing, go try on that okay ? before even commenting i'm just acting pity to get sympathize. wtf.

NEW, yes.

2007-01-14T03:21:00.000+08:00

livejournal no more,
back to blogger.
relink me if you want to, or give me yours if you want me to link you up.
will not be locking this blog up like i used to, readers are welcome now. (:
leave a comment if you want me to know bout your existence, it'd be nice though.
if not, shut up and read it quietly.

life hasn't been good for me, but i know everything happens for a reason.
which i'll not question anymore.
but i'll always remember the day that changed my life.
for now, nothing matters more than basketball and studies in my life.
all of my time shall be dedicate to these two.
whatever things other than these two, shall WAIT.
seriously, i've got not much time left for these two already.
people are greatly advised to sms/call me ONLY, IF you're asking me out to study (on weekdays) and play ball (on weekends).
cause i'll very much not entertain those whom asked me out for shopping trips and etc.
that's my life, so let me be.

i've fucking no mood for anything, so just fuck off.
if i ever sms anyone of you, please reply and don't keep me waiting for hella days.
and did your mum told you it's rude not to reply messages ? YES, IT IS.
it's not like a goodnight message or any message that you don't know what to reply to. it's simple QUESTION asking you to play ball or whatsoever, and was it sooooooooo fucking difficult to even reply yes or no ?
i hate rude people, especially those whom do not reply smses.
if you're one such person, then jolly well fuck off outta my sight before i stuff cucumber into your vagina or snip off your dick.

i'm in very foul mood these days, don't agitate me.
and i said DON'T AGITATE ME, you fuckholers.

2006-12-08T00:28:00.000+08:00

PHOTOS GALORE !

photos as promised.
most photos are taken quite long ago, but due to my hectic work schedule, i failed to upload it back then.
so yeah, here.
anyways, these photos here are only like 1/10 of the collections.
it's way too many lar, so will just post some interesting ones. (:
photo first, then caption.

STEAMBOAT @ MARINA SOUTH.

weeyong's throwing his bitch fit. look at andy's expression.

see, i told you so.

this's obscure, but andy was trying to prove that he can cook an egg. result: F9 ! andy dear, cute face doesn't mean can cook okay.

one of andy's insanity moments.

weeyong and shawn are copycats of my pose, photos below are evidence.

first try: failed.

and again, still somewhat exceptable lar.

then it was shawn's turn, totally CMI please. an actor has his unsucessful attempt to act too, okay. and this shows.

andy's not trying to imitate me, just that i find his way of playing pool unique. no ?

one of the AAs, yiyan.

gladys with her infamous twist.

sze lee, my sec1-3 favorite hangout partner after school.

qiurong ? shittt, i forgotten her name. oh man.

the biggest AA after me, TEH BEIXI. and oh, she FINALLY knows how to smile properly.

my dear andy, the boy that makes me go lala.

also frm AAs family, yvonne and shiwan.

our sexy mama, qianhui. when's our clubbing date ?!

jon jon jonathan ! the bestest nicest guy in our clique !

jingyan, the girl who's so so so into shawn.

the irritating magnus anus.

this's like our 9th photo in a go, and that explains why his face.

AW WEEYONG, I SAID OPEN YOUR EYES ! how many times must i tell you that. HAHA !

shirley, my darling babeh.

late night pool was fun.

okay, this has nothing gotta do with steamboat at all, but world, this is my NEW SS2G. what's more ? it has sliver stripes, not gray okay ! :D

BALLING @ HKE & RANDOM PICS.

y'know, some people just can't resist my cam.
the below people tell you why.

ZHANGLANG

now you seen all the balling pics, there's just ONE PERSON that you've seen in all. no ?

JIAMIN aka XIAOBAI

and, guanhong joined in too.

WEEYONG

weeyong: wa, why your cam's flash so bright one. but i like.
me: -.-!

weeyong: eh jessie, help me take a full body photo leh.
me: -.- okay.
*snap*
weeyong: oei, wah lau, i not ready yet leh. take again.

weeyong: yes, good. i like this one. send me, thank you.

VIVOCITY.

if you don't wanna see my amazingly distorted face or many me, i'd advise you NOT to scroll down.

HAHHAHAHA ! i never knew my face can be soooo.. pliable. (: totally aghast.

just look at otah.

otah and me.

left to right: guanhong's gf, guanhong, xiaobai, otah and me.

ben & jerry's, i love !

my retarded photo taking partner no.1, felica honey.

no.2, otah fling.

happily retarded ever after. ((:

i'm damn good in acting like as if the photo it's not taken by me, but it was. HAHA !

mr tall snow man.

that's my idea. we got many stares while taking this photo, and people were laughing at our folly.

then, i started with my emo shit.

along with, guanhong and katek trying to mimic me.

otah went bonkers.

very very very dumb expression.

my dad says i look like a little gir/doll.

my STAR charm ! prettyyyyyy.

chow chow, my love.
it has got my undivided love. (:
i wouldn't recieving this either as my xmas or bday present ! *winks.

BUGIS.

honey & i.

felicia honeyyy.

jaime & joyce while choosing their figurings.

after 15mins, joyce was still very much in dilemma on which one to buy.

joyce & i have got similar pointed pumps. mine in gold, and hers in black.

the loveliest.

on the way home, we met the narcissistic zhanglang & jacjac.

zhanglang & i.

the neoprints we took @ bugis. (:

marina square with mr zs then explanade with grand, ray & liz were hell lots fun !
no pics though, i was too lazy to buy batteries for my cam.
anyhow, i want more more & MORE of these.
i can never get enough of mr zs, really. call me dumb, and i shall admit.
bbq @ aunt's tmr late noon, with clubbing @ cube in the night.
i've never been to cube since it's launch. my, i'm sucha kuku.
totally can't wait pleaseeeeeee.
yay, and mdmwong's next week ! ((:
i'd be free on sat & sun, DATE ME ! i don't wanna stay at home. ):

and now, signing off;

miss swan. <3

everybody loves me as miss swan. MUAH !

Screwed up.

2006-12-07T02:13:00.000+08:00

you screwed me up back then, and leaving me in lurch all by myself.
and now, you claims that you're going to pick me up from where i fell.
how fucking ironic can that be.
why don't i fucked your life upside down and come back 4years later to say i'll heal your wounds and pick you up whenever you're down.
for the full 4years, i've always wanting to forget you, erase you completely off my mind.
but fuck god, whenever i was going to forget you and put you in my past, you reappear in my life again.
how holy please.
if you think that we're not destined to be each other's past tenses, so be it.
we shall be friends, i'm fine with that.
but that's not the way out you chose, you're still gonna stick with your choice to fuck my life up, ONCE AGAIN.
how very kind of you.
i told you umpteenth times that i don't hate you. likewise, i don't love you.
you were once my world, but now you're less than being nothing to me.
if you think you'd be able to replace him in my heart, fine. then go on dreaming, i'll not stop you.
but for godsake, you're soon to be 21. grow up !
i'm no longer the 13years old credulous girl you knew, i'm going to be 17, and i know what's the everything i want in my life.
and no, definitely not you.
so please, stop digging bout the past.
the sadness in within have long been forgotten, what i have now are happiness.
so please please please, do not taint them furthermore with your disgusting acts.
at least in my mind, i still remember the beauty of our love we once have.
the line is drawn clearly, just friends. and nothing more beyond that.
you know pretty well how am i going to be if you crosses that line again.

Past tenses, i hate.

2006-12-04T12:02:00.000+08:00

i hate words like used to, thought and if only.

"we used to be like this, or that"
"i thought he was the one for me"
"if only i had given in"

i loathe my life to be revolving around past tenses.
i know this is how life goes, and we can't help it.
but still, i've the rights to choose not to accept the fact.
sometimes, in life, we'll just have to stop expecting in order to feel better.

my grandma called just now, and she was crying on the phone.
she said my grandpa left home to my uncle's after a quarrel.
i so can't believe it, really.
they're known as the most loving couple, even now they have already past their 70s.
people that have seen my maternal grandparents would know.
even though they bicker almost everyday, but y'know that's something elderly couples usually do.
they hold hands when they're out shopping or doing grocery. and they both always do the groceries together, without fail.
from the every little things they did for each other, you can really see the love in them.
but now, things became so bad.
now, i grew a phobia towards relationships.
quarrels in a relationship are inevitable, but it's always still it that breaks people up.

if only, there's one person that can feels the world for me and make me feel.

Love ?

2006-12-01T09:01:00.000+08:00

did my tears washed my feelings away ?
out of a sudden, i don't seem to feel a thing.

i'm sorry to had said that i'll not cry or have not cried.
but the thing is, i broke down numerous times ytd.
both at work and home.
i thought i could bottle down everything, but the weakness in me doesn't allows me to do so.
pardon me for my weakness.
i really wish i could stop those tears frm flowing in my sleep, but every corners of my life remind me greatly of you.
everytime i dreamt of you, i woke up in elation and, later feeling sad.
i felt that i'm being cheated.
because i thought it was really you, but woke up only to know that, it was merely a dream.

To think, i love you more.

2006-11-29T14:40:00.000+08:00

eversince mum and dad got to know bout the breakup, they have been too good to me.
just too good to be true,
and i'm starting to feel guilty bout it.
sat down and talked to mum just now, it's still her that knows me best.
she asked me to cry out loud, cause that certainly gonna help, and she told me to stop acting strong.
"darling, stop acting strong as if like you felt nothing. we all know that you're sad bout it, just let the tears flow, will you ?" mum said this.
yeah, she said this in english. how surprising.
i just found out that my dad actually reads my blog.
he told me to stop working and said he gonna fulfil my every need and get me whatever i want.
thanks daddy, but no. i wanna work my ass off, and no, that's not escaping.
please don't feel amazed, but i really have not cried once after the breakup.
i'm NOT numb, i feel everything.
it's running under my skin, it's burning and painful. i know.

xmas and my birthday are coming soon somewhat a month's time.
i lost my every little bit of excitement bout those.
but wait, can i just make a wish ?
just A wish for the two.
please dearest god/santa/or whoever it might be, send me someone above to smooths my soul.
to crack me up, but not break me.
thank you.

NOT.

2006-11-27T19:00:00.000+08:00

cause your name is neither jessie nor leonard.
and you do not have every little right to demand an explanation frm either one of us.
i don't owe you guys any explanation on why certain issues happened in my life.
and of cos, on the breakup.
cause it's fucking none of your business.
don't keep on going around spreading reasons why we broke up, as if you were us.
especially, when you don't know the both parties.
don't ever test up my tolerance level, cause seriously, till now, i realised i don't really tolerate shit.
yes, and i know who you guys are.
a fucken pain in my ass.
fuck off now, and get fucked later.

sometimes.

2006-11-25T23:53:00.000+08:00

sometimes, you just gotta be strong,
to have faith and to believe.
even when life gives you every reason not to.

i was all along afraid that you gonna leave me.
though i know, however, one day, you will.
but never do i know,
i'm the one leaving you, there.
i can't move on, neither could i hold back.

i'm starting to feel the pain now, do you ?

& i dig you no more.

Love ain't enough.

2006-11-24T02:34:00.000+08:00

but there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
there's a reason why people don't stay where they are.

and there's no way home, when it's late at night and you're all alone.
are the things that you wanted to say ?
and do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where i used to lay ?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
there's a reason why people don't stay who they are.

sometimes, love just ain't enough.

i'm sorry.

2006-11-22T10:23:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry to say this.
but,
time proves everything, and that's what i've got in the end.
one word of yours took back all the occasions you have proven to me.

i'm dead, you never stopped killing me with your caustic words.
you're the winner and i'm the loser.
i'm bruised and battered, just let this end. here.

URGH.

2006-11-20T10:24:00.000+08:00

cause you never once, at all, cared bout my feelings.
as much as i controlled my temper just for you, you don't give a damn.
you just never stop flaring up at me and hit me back with your prince attitude.
i took the effort to make a difference, to change.
to do something for you, for this relationship.
at least, i felt that's the very least thing i could do.
to make your life, my life and both our life easier.
if there's one thing i could never control, it'll be my emotions.
but still, i tried keeping my mood swings to the minimum.
even how fucked up, bullied, depressed or loney i felt, i just kept it to myself.
that's all because, i don't wish you to be worried over there.

i'm sixteen, going on seventeen. a grown teenager, inside out.
i know how to take care of myself, and need not another half to make me whole.
if this goes on, and it's getting to much for me to handle.
then i'll have to kiss this painfully turbulent relationship, goodbye.

fuck.
like please, never make me feel this way.
fuck fuck fuck.
i hate you, but i love you more.
i'm sucha fool, a fool for you.
fuck the world.

STEAMBOAT GANG FUN !

2006-11-18T13:15:00.000+08:00

STEAMBOAT YESTERDAY WAS SUCHA BLAST !
din eat much though, guess my body system is breaking down soon.
due to my harsh working hours, but shucks.
like tan li suan said, best time to slim down ! (:
we, guys, weeyong, shawn, andy, shirley, jingyan and me were just playing food most of the time.
we only spent like 30mins or little more eating, and then, poof, we started to play with food.
you guys should see how disgusting weeyong, shawn and andy can get.
those guys were fucking gross, almost frm head to toe. HAHA !
went to play pool after that, ULTRA FUN !
my newfound and best pool mate ever - AW WEEYONG.
he rocks balls okay ! he made me laugh like nobody's business.
frm hitting at the pool table, poking cue at each other, sitting on the floor and laugh out loud and PIAK PIAK HIS FATS !
but andy's still the cutest lar, like forever.
need not to act, unlike shawn. TRY SO HARD.
AND I HIT IN AN ULTRA IMPOSSIBLE ANGLE BALL !
really, it's so effing absurd that it made andy and weeyong's jaws dropped.
i'm PRO, aferall okay. i'm bet that kind of angle, except for worldclass/national snooker players can be able to do that, other than that, nobody could ! :D
we spent more than 3hrs playing pool and taking pictures there.
cabbed home with yong, shawn and andy. THE WAY THEY SLEPT IN THE CAB, WILL TOTALLY MADE YOU CONCEIVE THAT THEY'RE GAYS.
hugging each other throughout the journey home. HAHAHA !
shawn looked like a big time ah beng ytd with worn out slippers, pink polo tee, his super high noise level and his standing and sitting positions.
oh, and, the cab driver relate that shawn is my elder bro. HAHAHA ! so omfg please.
i reached home @ 3.
fucking fun please, I WANT MORE OF THESE !
i can't wait for xams outting.
i can't wait to club with our sexy mama qianhui !

okay, back to sleep.
work resume today.
but y'see, i no longer complain how sucky my work was, cos i got my pay !
woo, keep it coming, BABEH.
magnus don't wanna work anymore, i shall throw him ipod video when i got my pay.
LOL !

12th !

2006-11-12T11:57:00.000+08:00

today is the 12th !
so, happy 1year and 1month.
okay, that's very stupid and a stupid way to put it down.
anyhow, 5more days to our 400th day !
that was very random, i know, but please pardon me.
BECAUSE.... i'm just being.... HAPPY ! :D

BUTTTT, y'know what.
i really miss those fucking good old times.
those fun we had, it's truly unimaginable.
the frm town-rush-to-toa payoh for your trgs in mere 10mins and during peak hrs.
though back then, how much i complaint bout how boring your every trg is.
but thinking of it now, i miss the rush, seeing you swim fucking many laps, your fellow water polo teamates HOT BODY & your coach's catchword 'tired ah ?! then SWIM MORE lar, NOW. GO, 20LAPS !'
HAHAHHAA !

omfg, y'know what.
i really want a..... POLAROID CAMERA !
but the film used is damn bloody ex. so, ):

LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE YO!

SURGE @ MINISTRY OF SOUND, 21ST NOV, TUESDAY.

hey looking for a party to rumble and shake y'll tail feathers after o's/a's or just looking for a place to chill and dance and meet NEW people?

SURGE@MOS is DA place for you!

entry to above 16? cool.
alcohol to above 18? cool.
$20 per ticket? not so cool...
but why wait, its THE party of the year!
feat. a REAL LIVE BOXING MATCH between daniel and jason to get the party started!
wow, tickets are entitled to one complimentary drink.

why wait, get your tickets now!
JESSIE @ 92453221. please message/call me. (:

i'm only helping farley to sell these tickets.
but still, COMECOMECOME ! :D

i'm sucha meanie to jason !
i made him come down to 7-11 just to watch me eat my mashed potato, and he was about to sleep.
uh uh uh, sorry jason ya !
aaron is so damn lucky for not living THAT near to me, as we're at the opposite ends of yew tee. whereas, jason lives blocks away frm me only !
HAHAHAHHA, just his luck.
okay, back to my online shopping now. (((:

iffy.

2006-11-11T22:46:00.000+08:00

chao nehneh.

i've got a effing irritating boyfriend !
he called to wake me up to go work, while HE KNOWS i'm NOT working.
very much not funny, y'know, leonardchewwenze.

oh yes, speaking of work. it makes me fume.
i've not been working for 5days already, whereas everybody else still do.
KNN, i'm damn mad bout this.
speak to me bout my job, and i shall kill you.
i swear.
I REALLY x10 HOPE MAGNUS AND DELWIN HAVE VACANCIES TO WORK IN, WITH ME !
cos i know they gonna brighten up my nights, unlike those bunch of guys there. (:
sucks lar, but i doubt there'll be vacancies after o's.

i was doing my online shopping, as usual.
and i came across this livejournal, people there were basically sharing fashion tips, and give advices on where you can shop in the states, france, canada, australia and uk.
OMG, I CAN GO MAD FOR THEIR FLEA MARKETS OKAY !
you can get very nice pieces of clothings with low low LOW prices there.
their gap, f21, topshop, mango and all those stores we yearn for down here, it's like middle range or a little more over here.
but but but, it's just like giordano or bossini over there.
and i swear !
it's so fucking affordable !
and the designs over there, you're so not gonna see it over here, in singapore.
all the dresses sold there are like oh-so-fucking pretty please !
i vouch, IF i've got the money, i shall migrate there for good.

yeah right.
JESSIE SHOULD JUST JOLLY WELL EFFINGLY STOP DREAMING.

damn, i wanna work !
i need money !
and damn it, i spoilt my mum's phone.
stupid samsung phone, fucking lousy. and dickson says it gonna cost more than a hundred if i gonna get it repaired.
and he advised me to just get a new phone, instead.
but wtf, WHERE THE HELL DO I'VE SO MUCH MONEY ?!
it's like my mum gonna kill me for sure if she knows.
CHAO NEHNEH.
i still want my ipod nano, new phone, num bag, crumpler, and the list goes on.
FUCKED UP.
sigh, my times are bad. y'know.
so fuckers, don't try to dig anymore money frm me !
even if i'm working, THOSE ARE BLOOD SHED MONEY OKAY !
and yes, MINE. my money.
i slogged my ass off to earn those. ):
so fuck off.

Beautiful.

2006-11-10T13:56:00.000+08:00

CLICK HERE ! Because I'm A Girl MV.
i bet many must have heard this song somewhere or another.
but the music video of it, is a MUST WATCH.
i watched it five times in a row, but still, it never fail to make me tears.
beautiful storyline and splendidly captured.
whether if it does happened in real life nots, but i do believe that one will be willingly enough to make such sacrifice for their loved one.

the english transliteration of the song;

Because I'm A Girl.
I just can't understand the ways
Of all the men and their mistakes
You give them all your heart
And then they rip it all away
You told me how me how much you loved me
And how our love was meant to be
And I believed in youI thought that you would set me free
You should have just told me the truth
I wasn't the girl for you
Still I didn't have a clue
Cause my heart depended on you
Though I say I hate you now
Though I shout and curse you out
I'll always have love for you
Because I am a girl
Been told a man would leave you cold
Get sick of you and bored
I know that is no lie
I gave my all still I just cry
Never again will I be fooled
To give my all when nothings true
I won't be played again
But I will fall in love again
You should have just told me the truth
That I wasn't the girl for
Still I didn't have a clue
My heart depended on you
Though I say I hate you now
Though I shout and curse you out
I'll always have love for you
Because I am a girl
I loved you so
Now you leave me in the cold
How could this be
I thought that you only loved meInto the night
I'll pray that you be all right
You hurt me so
I just can't let you go
You took advantage of my willingness
To do anything for love
Now I'm the only one in pain
Will you please take it all away
Never thought born being a girl
Now I will build a wall
To never get torn again
Though I say I hate you now
Though I shout and curse you out
I'll always have love for you
Because I am a girl
Though I say I hate you now
Though I shout and curse you out
I'll always have love for you
Because I am a girl

you really don't know what you've got till it's all gone.

2006-11-09T02:01:00.000+08:00

i'm talking to my lover boy on the phone now, but that doesn't keeps me frm blogging.
okay lar, i just wanted to keep my hands busy by typing only. HAHA !

got this frm junn's livejournal, thought it's interesting. so yeah.

About the guys; Turned ON, OFF or DM (Doesn't matter):

Is taller than you: ON. (IT'S A MUST OKAY, strictly must be 175cm and above !)
Is shorter than you: OFF. (if i were them, i'd jolly well be off dead. HAHAH !)
Wears braces: DM. (makes him look a teeny weeny bit cuter, i suppose. (:)
Dresses Preppy: DM.
Dresses Ghetto: OFF.
Dresses Gothic: OFF !
Has blue eyes: ON. (but not effect of contact lenses please, if it's so, OFF. i dislike wannabes.)
Has green eyes: DM.
Has hazel eyes: ON.
Brown eyes: DM. (hey, isn't brown somewhat the same as hazel ? so crap.)
Drinks alcohol: DM (if he holds his liquor well, no drunkard aftermath please.)
Wears glasses: DM.
Smokes: DM. (provided if he don't blow into my face, thank you. you shld know how irritating it is.)
Plays sports: ON ON ON ! (i don't like a weakling boyfriend.)
Smiles a lot: ON/DM. (as long as he smiles at/to me. y'know, leonard doesn't smiles alot too. (:)
Calls you just to say Hi: DM. (sweet, if it's once or twice a day. if above that, it's more to annoying.)
Compliments you: ON. (only if he means it. if not, he'd be better off shut up.)
Likes to talk: ON. (to a certain extent, at least must know when to and when not to.)
Shy and quiet: OFF ! (tell me, need sucha boyfriend FOR WHAT ?! haha.)
Good dancer: DM.
Wears jewellery: DM. (subject to men's accessories only. but no bengish & old sch gold chains please.)
Smiles when you walk in the room: ON. (it sure does rouse me up a little. :D)
Has brown hair: DM.
Has Black hair: DM.
Has blonde hair: OFF. (i just don't like guys in that hair colour. and please do imagine leonard with blonde hair, *coughs.)
Has red hair: DM. (it all depends on how he looks, whether in any colours. but PLEASE, no fancy colours.)
Makeup: OFF. (okay, maybe exception on Halloween ?)
Can make you laugh at any given moment: ON x 1000000000times ! (isn't this what a typical boyfriend shld at least do ? (:)
Loyal: ON x 10000times.
Laid back: DM. (as in casual, yes.)
Plays guitar: ON. (leonard knows how to.)
Plays piano: ON ! (proud to say, my boy can !)
Plays drums: ON. (yes, too. told you, my boy is gifted. HAHAHAH !)
Sing: ON. (only if his voice is pleasurable to be listened to.)
he's buff (muscles): DM. (but not too, just fit will do. just like leonard's built. (:)
Doesn't eat meat: DM. (i can't change his eating habits too, so don't matter.)
Has a tattoo: ON ! (especially STARS ! but not the bengish dragon/snake/tiger shit kind.)
has a lip ring: OFF. (how to kiss properly, you tell me.)
has tongue ring: OFF. (the trend is like so yesterday already.)
dislike parties: DM.
love parties: DM. (certain ones, not too much to a party animal, though.)
clubbers: DM. (once in a while, occasionally. if not, go away.)
virgin: ON.
non virgin: DM. (not like if he screwed many girls before.)
have car: ON.
no car: DM.
stays home: DM. (but not when it's inappropriate, must date out also what !)
stays out: DM. (not like every single day/night without fail.)
uses hankerchief : OFF. (HAHAHAHAHA ! my grandpa doesn't even uses one !)
no leg hair: OFF ! (it's like so not like a guy.)

above are just a list of what i think my guy shld/shld not do, but for more exact one, please do refer to leonard. (:

this is interesting, too.

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Acts of Service.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		11
Acts of Service:		9
Physical Touch:		5
Words of Affirmation:		4
Receiving Gifts:		1

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

now, leonard says i'm not to call him anything related to boy anymore.
cos he's freaking 21 and turning 22 very soon next year, an adult, which is a man but not boy.
like what siaaa, want to act decent only !
but hello, my BOY, you don't even freaking behaves like a 21 years old MAN.
so, to suits you best, it's still BOY. (:

2006-11-07T21:29:00.000+08:00

yayness, i've got off days !
though i merely started work for only a week, but i swear e week went by like a month.
work is totally dreadful. be it the midnight working hrs, awful working enviroment and some real fucked up people/colleagues.
i swore i almost cried at work today, e guys are buncha fuckers, really.
totally intolerable.
thought not all, but MOST. only A FEW are nice people.
e girls needless to say, my pillars. (:
if it's not off day today, i swear i gonna jolly well quit my job.
you people shld take a look at my hands, it's as good as rotten okay.
ain't kidding, serious.
shall post a photo of it up tmr, if i'm free.
but on e other hand, i'm oh-so-relieved that i've always got my gang of people calling me during my breaks to keep me companied spiritually.
and too, of cos, my special boy at e other half of e globe. ((:
and e time is so right, i'm working midnight here and it's morning over there.
need not at all to accommodate.
so anyways, it ain't something real bad to have your boyfriend on e other half of e globe if you're working night shift. (:
well, crap.
i still do miss him real badly.
i'm anticipating for 20th next mth to come !

my yesterday, today, tomorrow.
my everything.

Thinking of you drives me crazy.

2006-11-04T17:57:00.000+08:00

it's odd that how our relationship goes frm one point of extreme high in a minute and till drastic low e very next minute.
all human relationships are eccentrical.
it's tiresome how we are fighting e feeling of being lonely, and pretending we are always there for one another.
even we both know, we are not.
i was foolish enough to even thought so.
one friend of mine who's in e same situation as me, told me this.
"to miss him keeps me going everyday, and just a mere thought of him makes me feel like he's always with me, like we're never apart. love is not just physical touches, it's more like being spiritual connected."

yes, very true.
so now, tell me.
how long can i go on like this ?

Boyfriend, please ?

2006-10-31T00:53:00.000+08:00

i need a boyfriend.
shall not define, so don't ask.

just no matter who you are, don't ask.
you wouldn't want to see me fall apart.
thank you.

these days have been too much for me.
no, i ain't emo.
it's just reflection.
many things happened out of my expectations.
i need a job, to work my ass off.
take away my time, as well as my mind.

sore throat.
headache.
fever.
bad knee.
shattered heart.
so, what's next ?

uh, whatever.
fuck off !

GOODBYE, BP. my unrequited love.

2006-10-27T23:42:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling very low now, tears just went gushing out off my eyes.
but this time rnd, i'm no emo with no reason.
and seriously, i don't know is it the graduating sec4s people that i miss or the school that will soon be demolished.
both have accompanied me for complete 4years.
i've never been nostalgic in all my life so far, but this time rnd i really just can't help it.
while typing this out, tears keep flowing down and i've no control of it.
before blogging i went through all e photos i took in bp, one by one.
it brings back all e memories i had in bp in these 4years.
it's not that i'm graduating, but actually this hurts more then being graduated frm sch.
you'll actually have to witness e tearing down of your sch, moving to another campus which never belonged to you and to actually having to be graduated there 2years later.
really, e graduating classes this year are damn lucky, cos they still have e chance to graduate somewhere they belongs. unlike us.
everything seems so ytd.
it's like we just got enrolled into bp as sec1s ytd, and here, today, everybody has graduated frm there.
i still remembered how badly i used to think of bp when i came in as a sec1 student, picking on everything saying that it's old and stuff. but little do i know, today, i'll actually have to leave that sch and everything will be gone soon and really, i realised that i really do love everything of e sch.
e damn old & haunted d&T block, e old & dirty yet cosy toilet, e small classroom we all complained about, e canteen, e forever squeezing & hot hall, e detention area outside e staff room that i used to sit there when i got detention and got suspended frm class, e cold library that i stayed there and mugged for my EOY geog paper, e outworn basketball court that i loved so dearly and won interclass basketball there, e field we used to pe at, e nafa 2.4km route opposite e sch and others everything bout e sch.
i wish we could just stay put there and never have to move.
new things are always good. so are e new buildings of e sch, but bits and pieces of memories we left there are all gone.
it's bp that makes me made tons and tons of friends.
good or bad, i greatly appreciate it.
i'm so dead afraid of being drifted apart with those people in graduating classes.
and i'm really don't know when will i see them again, how will we be like 1 or 2years later ? how will we be when we meet again ?
don't come up to me and say 'jessie, don't worry, we'll still be e same years later'.
it's impossible, really.
i so want everything and everyone with me. back to me.
yes, ALL. not one lesser.
it's funny how people actually move on with things/people, but moving on to me is just so difficult.
it's e things and people i have with me that made me what i am today.
forget it, i really don't know what i'm talking abt anymore.
perlin is right, tian xia wu bu san zhi yan xi, people and things come and go in life. and what to do ? that's just life.
e way how it shld be.
fuck,i hate it.
it's really cruel.

in loving memory of Bukit Panjang Govt High School.

Online shopping, BIG NO.

2006-10-26T20:34:00.000+08:00

online shopping is oh-so-addictive please.
it's so so so so fucking addictive that i've to AT LEAST buy a thing everyday.
no, i'm not rich.
it's just an urge, y'see.
you don't have a choice at all, you just HAVE TO.
so please like don't blame me, i can't control it too and it's not at all up to me. (:
i just keep buying and buying, and parcels came sending to my place one after another almost everyday.
and sooo, i'm goddamned broke now.
but still, i'm thinking of ordering birks.
okay, shut e fuck up jessie.
and here;

dad: (to mum) don't you find there're many packages being sent to our house almost everyday ?
mum: ya.
dad: whose are those for ?
mum: who else, your dearest daughter lor.
dad: (to me) wah, you seems very busy with your business hur, everyday got packages being sent to you. so, what kinda business are you in ?
me: crazy, where got AS BUSY AS YOU DO ?! those were stuff i bought frm online.
dad: wah wah wah, now have yet to work already spent so much money and bought so many stuff, then what's next ?!
elder bro: I KNOW, it will come in truckloads in e future !
dad: no, make it container truckloads then.
* everybody in e family starts laughing, except me.
me: !!!! IT'S NOT AT ALL FUNNY LAR !

okay, you can see how HUMOROUS my dad tries to be.
i admit he's e cutest dad on earth at times, but most of e time, he's annoying.
yes yes yessss, i HAVE to blog this.
I'M PROMOTED ! and it's confirmed. (:
and it's so fucking weird this time round, even one din managed to pass english neither 4 other subs get to promote.
just tell me, what has this world becoming to ?
it's just so fuckingly unfair, and if it's so, i should be promoted last year what.
plus, i passed both languages with B3.
no, i know. ms ong is just too soft hearted to retained students.
butttt, it's injustice to those students being retained.
uh, whatever.
i'm not affected too, i'm just bored. HAHA !
but i really do hope those will do well next yr, unlike me, STILL A FAILURE.
bottom line, work hard when you're given e chance to do so, don't get retained and be treated with inequity and that's when you'll truly regret. (:

WORK !

2006-10-25T21:47:00.000+08:00

i now declared i absoutely love spending my wee hours at yew tee mac/food court !
never thought i'd love yew tee THIS MUCH.
but sad, i'm moving in few years time, as daddy said so. ):
HOWEVER, i wish i could move to e east side, where most of my midnight hangout khakis are over there !
but ALMOST all of my balling mates are in e west. ):
contradiction sucks.
right, i doubt i'll be playing ball in e future. HAHA !
okay, my hols are coming in 2days time !
anddd, i need not go back to e school during hols, because my school's MOVING.
spell s-h-i-o-k. :D
sooo, i gonna spend my hols working !
yay, money money money !
qiuqiu is working in ice lemon tee and says there might be vacancies in other outlet, so i'm going to check in out tmr !
omg omg omg !
i gonna work 3/4 of my hols, and will spend e rest doing shopping.
oh yar, my trip to UK is confirmed to be on 20th dec, and for 1week.
so, i'm not coming back for xmas. sorry loves, but my xmas present still counts. (:
omfg, i so need money.
need to get my star tattoo, stuff linked to polka dots/stars/strips, dresses and many many many more.
never ending wishlist.
still, any job vacancies/lobangs, PLEASE SMS ME !
oh yesssssss, i'm promoted this year ! i just checked my results online, like just able to be promoted.
but nevertheless, i'm happy. (:

VIVOOO.

2006-10-24T18:36:00.000+08:00

i hate my place, it takes forever just to hail a cab.
and duh, it caused me to be late meeting e gang.
went vivo ytd. to eat, shop, chill and watch movie with e gang. (:
i swear vivo is sooo goddamned pleasing, it's beautiful and huge and most importantly, it has everything a girl needs inside !
it's simply heaven sent, you name it, it have it.
LEONARD CHEW, PLEASE COME BACK SOON, I WANNA SPEND MY WHOLE DAY AT VIVO WITH YOU ! and i'm sure you'll love e place, like i do, too !
for people whom said vivo sucks and got nothing much to shop, SCREW YOU.
even guys have sooo much to shop in it, it does make me wonder why would some of my class girls claimed THEY HAVE NOTHING TO SHOP THERE.
yeah, i know. causeeeee, they're only into pmk and those ah lians frequent shops !
and, they have none in vivo ! ahahahaha !
okay, i'm mean. i always am. =D
i spent almost e whole of ytd at vivo, and it's great i tell you !
and yes, provided you're wearing comfortable footwears.
good thing i wore my havaianas. ((:
so, birks and slippers are HIGHLY recommended, so you won't end up like mavis and me e previous time in our heels and dying.
and i'm so sinful, i bought a sweater like top frm f21 where i've so many such as at home !
can't help it laaaaaaaa, cos i'm going UK SOON ! :DDDDDD !
watched you, me & durpee with candy, while e others watched death note.
e movie was 1215 in e morning, and while watching it i really felt like sleeping.
but e air conditioning was way to cold for me to fall asleep.
after watching, cabbed to jurongville for prata !
it's totally heaven, i must say.
it's been 85463219years since i last ate prata at jurongville !
and my honey banana prata still tastes as nice, i love i love !
after prata-ing, we tried walking to jurong east mrt with my guide, as many wanted to fag.
but sadly, we got lost and all cabbed home in e end.
OKAY LAR, I'M LOUSY CAN. JURONG ALSO NOT MY TURF WHATTTT, HOW WOULD I KNOW HOW TO WALK. i'm just guessing my way out only. HAHAHHA !
but i DID said 'i think' okay, not 'i'm sure' okay !
i'm so proud of myself today, cos i did not at all smoke a stick esp with so much temptations. ((((:
man, i'm back being a saint again, have yet to sleep since ytd.
YAY, I'M SO HAPPY TODAY, cos it's HARI RAYA.
my malay neighbour brought mountain high of malay delicacies over this morning, and i swear we can't finish that in 3days.
yes, i can't stop but keep eating.
all e sit ups i've done all along everyday have all gone to waste because of e food intake of ytd and today. ):
but nevertheless, i'm happy and i'm starting to love and enjoy my life more and more. (: yessss, of cos it's a good thing. :D

2006-10-20T20:29:00.000+08:00

i'm fuming mad.
i am, i am, I AM !
i hate suckers whom owed/borrowed money frm me, and NOT RETURNING.
and more, treat it like AS IF i'm OBLIGED to lent them money and NOT RETURNING.
to everyone out there, don't fucking keep leeching cash off me and not returning me just cos you THINK i'm rich.
cos i'm not, so please fuck off.
i'm NOT rich, get this right.
if you say i've got a rich boyfriend. yes, indeed it's true.
BUT SO WHAT ?! he's e one who's rich and has got tons of money.
NOT ME !
i'm not trying to boast or something.
but e fact is just so, he's e one who lives in big bungalow.
whereas, i'm only living in a 4rooms HDB flat.
if you think you're poor and destitute, i'm just e same as you !
now here's e truth, i'm 16 years old, not working and still studying.
my only income is e allowance given by my parents, and it's not like a million bucks.
or maybe hundreds like some uptown boys/girls are getting.
i only get more or less of 10bucks everyday, am living with it if no one bothers me.
i've money to shop/club/play/eat/drink, it's because i saved bits and pieces frm here and there. got it ?
it's just that you owed people's money and you gotta return.
stop saying excuses like 'i forgot to bring', 'no money', 'i only have enough money to eat', 'tmr can', 'I REALLY HAVE NO MONEY' scream at me and give me that fuck face.
hey, get e fact right, YOU'RE THE ONE who's owing me money, NOT ME.
so what makes think you have e right to throw shit on my face ? i should be E ONE to do so instead, and be glad I DID NOT.
what kind of logic is that you'll only pay me if you had extra money left after buying your food and other stuff.
E MOMENT YOU HAVE MONEY, YOU PAY UP.
it's not like it's e first time i asked you for money and you're not at all prepared, that's why i let you go with all your essential buyings.
IF NOT, YOU PAY UP.
some are even more amusing, you have e money to club/smoke/eat/drink/play, but you just don't have e money to pay up.
HOW IRONY.
like michelle wrote on her blog, if you have no money:

don't smoke.
don't club.
don't eat.
don't drink.

which means, die die also must return that sum of money. get it, fools ?!
seriously, i totaled up e sum of money that people owed me.
guess what ? it's freaking 130bucks.
i ain't missy nice, neither am i doing charity.
you know who you are, people who owed me money.
PLEASE like return up, cos i'm fucking broke.
yes, e word is B-R-O-K-E. check up a dictionary if you doesn't know what this word means.
i don't at all like this ! totally what e fuck.
AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, NO MONEY DON'T COME TO ME, JESSIE !
i ain't a gold mine, free for you to dig.
oh yes, i HATE people who borrowed money frm me to buy cigarettes.
no money don't smoke, just go and die. it's a better solution and e easiest way out.
thank you.

Screwed life.

2006-10-19T22:26:00.000+08:00

my life is so screwed, so is my com.
i really feel like smashing my com right now, it keeps on hanging.
fuck. but i'll go bonkers without e com.
esp now, everybody's SO BUSY with their lives, and nobody to entertain me ! ):
it's useless that i've got not bad grades for languages, yet i din even managed to score a pass for other subs !
killer, i think i'm going to be retained, AGAIN !
a week frm now, if you ever come across a newspaper article bout a girl plunging death in choachukang, i swear it'd be me.
serious okay, i ain't kidding !
my nose hurts real bad now, because of e fucking haze.
fucken indonesians damn inconsiderate !
i swear to kill them, if i got to know who they are. suckers !

roller dick says:
what is the PSI in Singapore now?
got caught up in your light. says:
e range between 90-100. why ?
roller dick says:
oh. was just asking for fun.
roller dick says:
cause you know, there is no haze down here in UK.
roller dick says:
so i was thinking how does it feels to live in the haze.
roller dick says:
sounds cool.
got caught up in your light. says:
shutup ! trying to brag or something ?
got caught up in your light. says:
go fuck yourself, my nose hurts like fuck lar !
roller dick says:
oh. too bad for you then.
roller dick says:
but i still think that it is cool.
roller dick says:
i want to go back and see how bad it is.
roller dick says:
hahahahaa.
got caught up in your light. says:
need not ! you'll be able to see haze VERY SOON. (:
roller dick says:
why?
got caught up in your light. says:
cos very soon, i shall burn your house down.
got caught up in your light. says:
that's when you gonna see haze.

THIS BOY IS DAMN IRRITATING.
leonardchewwenze, in uk NO BIG FUCK okay !
e very next moment, i gonna die because of e haze.
all these tiresome thoughts make me wanna fag.
man, i never felt like smoking so much in my life.
i'm so cranky, so so so cranky.
i think i should just shut up and die.

oh yeah, i'm going to change my password for my blog very soon.
it's going to take effect two days frm now.
so if you want it, ask me. (:
cos y'know, i don't like losers reading my blog.
and too, rule 003 on internet safety: change your password often, to ensure security of your account. =D
so people, ASK ME !
losers, just don't bother okay. y'know who are.

Bloody haze.

2006-10-18T21:33:00.000+08:00

i think e haze somewhat affect me now.
i got this headache and my nose felt so pain.
dammit ! killer y'know.
oh yar, i just found out that there's no such word as 'affects', it's either affected, affecting or affect.
so, take note YA, people. write & speak ONLY perfect english.
if not, don't do so AT ALL. (:
sorry, this is e aftermath you got frm a B3 english student. HOHO !
okay, B3 is still not what i want, yet. I WANT A1 !
A2 for chinese. not THAT bad, though.
other subjects, PLEASE KINDLY DO NOT ASK.
it's sucha let down for geog, i mugged so hard yet i failed.
totally, @#$^$@$%^&$)&*^%$ !
i hope i passed my combined humanities.
literature's a'ight, e problem now is social studies.
there was this band performance(e jamming type, note), and i really don't know exactly why was everybody SO high. their voices suck, okay not that. it's just that I DON'T LIKE.
plus no dress sense, no looks & sang songs in mandarin. SEE, DISSAPOINTMENT.
i don't know why i came about this, but i think jamming fits better in english songs.
YES, THAT'S MY PERSPECTIVE. thank you.
if you don't think so, just shut up. THIS IS MY BLOG.
i'd rather preferred to watch ryan & gang jam for a whole 3hrs.
at least their hero, in loving memory, you and me and those three doors down songs rock !
grand e percussionist makes me melt only. HAHAHA !
i'm so cranky now, argh. feel like biting someone.

oh, i've got this sudden craze for polka dots, stripes and STARS.
DON'T ASK, i told you so it's a sudden craze.
so god knows why.
I WANT A STAR TATTOO !
but but but, i'm afraid of pain.
and i'm sooooo fearful that i'll regret very soon after i've got it.
HOW ?! sigh.
see, i'm so indecisive.
i think you guys should pay on behalf of me, and treat it as my 17th birthday present.
SOUNDS GREAT HUH ? ((:

TATTOOS ?!

2006-10-16T22:13:00.000+08:00

i've been searching for star tattoo on e net, and here are a few nicer ones found. (:

i'm looking for something like that !
this ain't bad too.
i like e star, not e spot he has it on.
how bout this, nice ?
ON WRIST ! =DDD !
again, i like that star. but not e spot.
coloured one is nicer ? or not ?
this's just fucking cute lar ! HA.
this's totally LOL, i'll NEVER get this. I SWEAR.
i showed mavis this, and she was like LOL too. darn funny can ! i admire her courage, though !

i'm thinking of where to put actually, and i came to conclusion on every spot.
inner wrist: VERY PAIN, plus it will shrink. so, NO.
pelvic bone: DOUBLE PAINFULNESS, and it will expand when pregnant and later became DAMN UGLY. totally a BIG NONO !
above hip: i don't know bout e pain factor, but that's definitely sounds better and it's e last option left. so, yeah.

but seriously, i really have no idea to put, or not to.
to be frank, kinda lack of courage. y'see, i'm DEAD AFRAID of pain.
esp when lynn dajie told me e pain is like pen knife cutting. ):
but on e other hand, its nice lar ! like damn pretty and cool to have one.
i'm in sucha dilemma.
many told me not to, cos i'll bound regret in e future.
like dajie, regretting now. and su darling told me it sucks.
shit.
yet many encourages me to do it.
so, i don't know.
okay, so people, please comment ! every opinion of yours counts okay !
and, people that has lobangs tell me too !
and note, i'm yet 18. so i need a place which's less lenient.
and MOST IMPORTANT of all, CLEAN NEEDLES !
cos i don't wanna get unknown diseases and die early okay !
thank you. (:

SHOP.

2006-10-15T22:10:00.000+08:00

was actually planning to go gym this morning this morning, but i overslept.
holy shit, and i woke up at 1plus going on 2pm.
was planning to stay home, but darling lydia smsed to date me out.
went marina today. again, try looking for dresses.
but this time rnd, i'm more precise bout what i'm looking.
i'm looking for polka dotted puffed sleeves dress, whoever knows where to get it/or saw it PLEASE TELL ME !
shopped arnd till ryan came, and i went home after that.
and here i am, online shopping again. bought three items so far.
it ALWAYS kills me when i saw ryan and lydia being all so lovey-dovey.
it reminds me pretty much of mine being one big ocean, three seas and half a globe apart !
conclusion: SUCKS.
seriously, i'm going bonkers. but i'll try tolerating it, IF there're flowers coming in every month. (: HAHAHAHA !
and tan li suan says, now i'm all about leonard. everything came out frm my mouth are always leonard and still leonard. YES ?!

oh yes, just for jasline fai and also to others that doesn't know who's KWON SANG WOO.

KWON SANG WOO, everybody ! (((:

just finished watching sad love story last night.
e ending made me cry again and again.
indeed, it's so sad. ):

white shoulder bag, 8bucks.
white tunic top, 8bucks.
topshop blue long sleeves, 20bucks.
am considerating whether to get this or not. it's POLKA DOTS, mannnn. for 12bucks, and its frm amanda's friend who lives blocks away frm me !
should i or should i not ? ):

STAR, BABY.

2006-10-14T02:46:00.000+08:00

went town with tan li suan today.
shopped, walked alot and looked for dresses.
but not much of my liking.
then to taka to catch new paper new face 2006 to support li suan's friend.
peggy, and she came in as 2nd runner up, miss body and was selected to do a show for taka this coming sun.
real pretty lady, pefect frame, gorgeous smile and best of all, friendly. (:

pardon me for e narcissism, but here goes.

i like this, totally brilliant.
one more.
this is it.
my love for vintage dresses never did subsides.
told you so. a picture speaks a thousand words.
first is big ass face.
then, legs.
lastly, smile.
this dress is real flattering, and it HIDES TUMMY ! ha.
formally smart. 89bucks please !
it never hurts to have more than an expression. (:
love this, love my natural ability for taking artistic shots.
this dress is just sooo pretty, can't get enough of it.
that li suan girl, while watching new face show 2006.
okay, i like acting constipated. CAN'T I ?!
girls, just love mirrors.
yuwei, yingying, me & my new specs. =D !
missy SPECS.
i struck rich suddenly. really !
and yes, so i could afford to throw money however ways i want !
spell p-r-e-t-t-y.
you know you want it.

my dearest leonard got a new tattoo today.
it's a star above e hip bone.
and he gets me all tempted to have one.
i'm gonna get one, soon. maybe not THAT soon though.
it's either going to be above my hips or on my ankle.
yay, STAR. BABY !
we, two love stars ! (((:
a'ight, should i or should i not get ?
I'M DEAD SERIOUS LAR, MOTHERFUCKERS.

HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY. ((((:

2006-10-12T23:36:00.000+08:00

we organised a belated birthday party for miss ong.
i'm so glad that she likes it. (:
the birthday girl felt so touched.
and she actually knows i've a boyfriend.
i told her it's a long distance relationship, and she knows it's hard to maintain such relationship, so she wishes us all e best.
and even wish we get married, EARLY. aha, so cute of miss ong.
it's not soon, get it.
if we do, she shall salute us. double cuteness of her. HAHA !
so, my teacher actually does thinks that i'm something. ((:

on the other news,
i, hereby to declare, TODAY'S OUR ANNIVERSARY !
note, an anniversary means a year. not month(s), like what some ignorant fools thought.
no words can describle my happiness and blissfulness now.

i never knew what it was like to be alone, cause you're always there for me.
you were always there, without fail to brighten up my everyday.
you're always there, giving me all you've got.
your love keeps me safe and warm.
it's amazing how could touch my heart, even without speaking a word.
you're the one i found my strenght from, and carry on.
you got me in the wind, and lifted me up.
when things goes wrong, you comforts me with just a kiss.
whenever i'm tired and closes my eyes, it's you that i see.
you're the one that revolves in my world, and i want nobody else but you.
you've drawn an inerasable smile on my face, and made those tears subside.
the one that's so true, i couldn't love you more.
you're a part of me, and will never be apart.
you'll have my heart, till the end of time.
we shall keep on loving, like there's no tomorrow.
i won't ask for anything more, but you.
for you, i'm willing to give up my world and being myself.
cause i know you worth more than all these more than a thousands time.
you gave up being a prince, and love me unselfishly to make me your princess.
there's a truth in eyes, saying you'll never leave me.
nobody can feel your love, more than i do.
nobody can love you, more than i do.
because you're my love, my valentine.
my love for you will never end, till my heart stops beating.
thanks for all you've done to me, being all so true.

a year has passed, with more happy years coming.

Get away.

2006-10-10T22:48:00.000+08:00

if those tears were fake, and those smiles were real.
my heart is going to stop anytime from now.

i'm so blinded and deadened to distinguish what and who is true to me.
life has been too much for me and all those emotions are taking over me time and again.
sorry, but i truly need a get away.
therefore, i'm going away. to malaysia, on thursday morning.
to my granny's old place in the kampong to recuperate and hopefully, to be able to freshen up.
need not care bout me, i'd be unreachable.
my mobile will be switched off. (: (only leonard will be able to contact me. =D)
don't ask me when will i be back, i don't know.
but definitely by this weekend, cause my school's starting again on monday.
i'm watching sad love story currently, e storyline is so sad that it makes me tear over and over again during every episodes.
and here, watching e show, there i'm missing him again.
sorry, i can't help it. guess i'm too weak.
anyways, those in my class, you know who you are.
think that after knowing me and find that i'm someone you can joke with, i'm sorry but HELL NO.
just don't think i'm nice to your, and never flare up infront of your, that doesn't mean that your could fuck around with me.
get this clear, everybody has their own limits. i'm ain't any different too, a'ight !
buncha fucking small kids that never grow.